The lawn mower and the electric fence

[Blue Tile Spook]

I got this in my email today. It is easy to tell that it is not true, or at least not true with the details provided. Anyway...

The Lawn Mower and Electric Fence

This was sent by a retired Rancher from Egypt, Texas. So all of you rancher or farmer folks out there, take heed.

We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few
months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically
in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me I
got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of
the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply
had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long
ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The
ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground,
the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6
hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying
out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the
charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down
to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I
hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my
right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other
hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine
battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on
the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my 'manhood" trying to climb up the
front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could
feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my
brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I
could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with
the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of crap
lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical
impulses. Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at
the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three
at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less
than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel
movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned
back and BAM, BAM, BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It
seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it
was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big
block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into
holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the
wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I
know all about electric fences, but Dad always had those
piece of crap chargers made by International or whoever that
were like 9 volts and just kind of tickled. This one I could
not let go. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting
signals from me through the perma-damp Ark-La-Tex River
bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to
just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of
gas.

'Damn,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80%
humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill
me. God did not take me that day, he left me there covered
in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity
had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire. I woke
up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was
beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was
sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had
been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where
the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on
to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting
thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a
few things:

1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right
butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3- Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not
smell as bad as you might think.

4- My left eye will not open.

5- My right eye will not close.

6- The lawnmower runs like a sum***** now.. Seriously! I
think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or
something, because it was better than new after that.

7- My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are
almost a foot long.

8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while
thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this?)

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for
things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I
always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged
before I mow. The good news, is that if a burglar does try
to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my
security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and
fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple
check before I mow.

 

[FordMan08]

funny read

 

[redneckmedic]

Medically most of that stands up; it takes 3 amp to stop a heart, tazors I believe are .3 or .03amps. And all of that happens when one gets tazed just on a smaller level. I think the engine firing is just hypersensivity and nothing else as the current would go through his feet not the rubber wheels shortest route too. Muscles contract tensly during electricution, thats how they work. I would Snopes it.

 

[Blue Tile Spook]

It wasn't medical that I was referring to.

- Dead spots in the grass where he had been standing
- Dead spot where the wire layed
- "Having a seizure" and being able to throw the line away
- Driving a rod in the ground only 3 ft. vs. 7 1/2 ft. makes much voltage difference
- 1.6 "giga-volt charger"

I'm not trying to pick apart the joke, just saying that if I was telling it to a friend I would change some of the info in it to make it a bit more believable.

 

[slacker]

My push mower stops when I let go of the handle... Definitely would not run long enough to use a full tank of gas...

 

[HandK]

Too funny, +1

 

[jclark]

That's a deep BS story, but still really funny.

 

[jtmarine1911]

It wasn't medical that I was referring to.

- Dead spots in the grass where he had been standing
- Dead spot where the wire layed
- "Having a seizure" and being able to throw the line away
- Driving a rod in the ground only 3 ft. vs. 7 1/2 ft. makes much voltage difference
- 1.6 "giga-volt charger"

I'm not trying to pick apart the joke, just saying that if I was telling it to a friend I would change some of the info in it to make it a bit more believable.

Dead spots where he was standing, I would also say BS.

Dead spot where the wire was laying, That is most likely true, Many fence chargers any more are Low-impedence chargers(increase output when a draw or short is sensed) and claim to be "weed burners" because the current will actual ground through and kill most weeds and grass.

Not being able to throw the wire away, it all depends on what type of charger he had, most people use a pulse typ charger that pulses every second or two, these would be easier to let go of if it bite you and you were grounded good( flip-flops, tennis shoes, touching a ground od or fence post), then there are continuous chargers that run a constant current at all times. When the body recieves a electrical shock the muscle contract, causing the hand to clamp down and making it almost impossible to volunteerily let go, so just remember, if you are going to check a fence in this manner use the back of your hand!

And sorry but driving a ground rod to 7.5ft rather than 3ft makes a big difference. Matter of fact, the drier the soil the more grounds they recommend and the deeper they be installed at 15 to 20ft intervals.

1.6 giga-volt, yeah thats BS. He more than likely meant 1.6 joules.

I have had MANY shocking experinces with electric fences like clearing a limb or some weeds from under the fence and catching my forehead, crossing the fence and grabbing a t-post while my leg brushes the top wire, one day I even had by knee resting against athe ground rod( which is 6ft deep) while tightening up a corner insulator, yes you will see stars and flashes of lightning and all your muscles will ache for hours.

Lets just say that now I only check my fences wearing rubber boots so I just feel a slight pulse. And when I remove fence to fence in another area, I almost have to drag my Goats through where it used to get them to the new area cause they remember where it was and want no part of it.

 

[public servant]

Ya'll are ruining a perfectly good joke.

 

[jtmarine1911]

Ya'll are ruining a perfectly good joke.

Well if it will make you feel any better I can have my wife takes some pics the next time I ground myself real good. Haven't got it to smoke yet but have got my hair to stand up before!

You would be surprised how good a 1 joule charger can get ya!


EDIT: A word of warning, if wearing steel toe tennis shoes, becareful how close your butt is to the fence if you have to bend over to pick up the feed bucket!


It still hurts!

 

[Boilers]

dead spots in grass? Pisshaw. I look at my grass the wrong way and it dies. But, somehow, the weeds THRIVE in concrete!!!!

 

[jtmarine1911]

dead spots in grass? Pisshaw. I look at my grass the wrong way and it dies. But, somehow, the weeds THRIVE in concrete!!!!

Don't ya just hate that!

 

[public servant]

Well if it will make you feel any better I can have my wife takes some pics the next time I ground myself real good. Haven't got it to smoke yet but have got my hair to stand up before!

You would be surprised how good a 1 joule charger can get ya!


EDIT: A word of warning, if wearing steel toe tennis shoes, becareful how close your butt is to the fence if you have to bend over to pick up the feed bucket!


It still hurts!

 

[WHRJeff]

A few minutes of my life I'll never get back after wasting time reading all that. I should know better than to read a really long joke. I try to tell people I'm a visual learner and not to send me stories because I usually just delete them. I guess I got caught up in the title of this one and curiosity pulled me in lol.