Suggestions??

[danielson]

So, Im gonna be 32 this year. I have always had a job, and Ive always worked hard(and I always have to take 2-4 alieve a day, and expect back surgery some day because of it). But Im horrible at planning and having any idea what I want, to even start to plan. So really its all been for nothing, and thats pretty much what I have to show for it.

So, inevitably I find myself thinking about the narrowing window on trading my present path, of no real future. To something that might be worth a damn, and give me a chance to maybe have something better than a 1BR apartment in a city I hate, 2 vehicles with a combined age of 45 years, and a small pile of firearms(of which I would keep over most everything else)

I sometimes wonder how lucky alot of people would think I am, given their hindsight, and criticisms of how THEIR lives turned out, to be 31, with no kids and no wife, and no mortgage, and no car payment.
But its funny how much Id rather trade them. I guess some of us are never really happy with what we have, no matter what we have.. lol

My working background has led me to do many things, when I was younger and GWB was in office, it was EASY to get a job (thanks liberalism) and it was nothing for me to work a job for a week, not like it, and get another one, in another field, to see what I liked. I cant say I REALLY liked any of them.

I guess Im wondering how you people all got where you are? Those of you with careers(not just meaningless jobs), and some money in the bank, and confidence that you have a solid future, I ask, how did you get there, and what can I learn from you to help myself find my way there?



This is a big topic, and might be alittle too touchy feely for some.. Thats fine, feel free to speak your mind, Ive been alittle off my whole life(natural 3rd shifter) so Im totally used to it.

 

[Dead Duck]

Well for God sakes - DON"T GET MARRIED! You'll lose everything.

 

[hornadylnl]

So, Im gonna be 32 this year. I have always had a job, and Ive always worked hard(and I always have to take 2-4 alieve a day, and expect back surgery some day because of it). But Im horrible at planning and having any idea what I want, to even start to plan. So really its all been for nothing, and thats pretty much what I have to show for it.

So, inevitably I find myself thinking about the narrowing window on trading my present path, of no real future. To something that might be worth a damn, and give me a chance to maybe have something better than a 1BR apartment in a city I hate, 2 vehicles with a combined age of 45 years, and a small pile of firearms(of which I would keep over most everything else)

I sometimes wonder how lucky alot of people would think I am, given their hindsight, and criticisms of how THEIR lives turned out, to be 31, with no kids and no wife, and no mortgage, and no car payment.
But its funny how much Id rather trade them. I guess some of us are never really happy with what we have, no matter what we have.. lol

My working background has led me to do many things, when I was younger and GWB was in office, it was EASY to get a job (thanks liberalism) and it was nothing for me to work a job for a week, not like it, and get another one, in another field, to see what I liked. I cant say I REALLY liked any of them.

I guess Im wondering how you people all got where you are? Those of you with careers(not just meaningless jobs), and some money in the bank, and confidence that you have a solid future, I ask, how did you get there, and what can I learn from you to help myself find my way there?



This is a big topic, and might be alittle too touchy feely for some.. Thats fine, feel free to speak your mind, Ive been alittle off my whole life(natural 3rd shifter) so Im totally used to it.

I'll have 15 years at my job in March. I started as a laborer making $10.95 an hour and I now make $22.66 with management fighting hr to give me a raise.

There are many opportunities to advance within my company with very few people taking advantage of any of it. They even pay you while you train. Still people do the same thing they did 25 years ago. If I wanted supervision, all I'd probably have to do is ask.

At your age, I'd been married 10 years, a homeowner for 9 and a 6 year old daughter with $50,000 of assets over debt. I got there by doing things I didn't always like.

The grass isn't greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it.

 

[ghostdncr]

If you're not put off by the touchy-feely aspect of your question, and it sounds like you aren't, might I suggest reading Victor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning?" In a nutshell and among many other aspects, it explores the premise that "things" will never bring us to the complete state we all aspire. Readers of this book seem to draw all kinds of different conclusions from it so I won't muck up the thread by raving on about my take from it. For some reason, the book flashed to mind as soon as I read your post so a recommendation seemed in order.

Man's Search for Meaning - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[Mackey]

Go for a walk in a graveyard.
Look at tombstones of all the citizens of this "City of the Dead."

They all had hopes, dreams, plans .... and now most of them have no one even bringing flowers to their graves.

I have a great job. I'm blessed. I was actually your age when I went back to school to become a health professional. I haven't "made" it by any means, and am just a working joe with bills mortgage etc. But I'm content.

No matter what you do or become, you'll always have someone "better" than you. Even doctors and lawyers have this over their head. You're a doctor, well, I'm a surgeon. You're a surgeon, well, I'm a brain surgeon etc etc.

Listen. In 80-100 years everyone reading this now will be dead ... some of us long dead and most will have no one bring flowers to our graves either.

The meaning of life? Your purpose? Lve for now. Don't worry, Love others. Find a way to work to have enough, and take time to enjoy life.

I don't know about you, but I feel happiest when I'm helping someone else. Look for ways to do this.

OH
And don't get in pointless arguements here on INGO. Bad for the blood pressure.

 

[rockhopper46038]

First off, if you hate Indy, move. Life is too short to stay in a place you absolutely abhor. But I've lived a lot of places, and Indy is actually a pretty damn good place to make a home; so you might question exactly what you hate about Indy. You may find it isn't geographic at all.

Second, pick a goal. If you don't know what you want, it is very hard to craft a plan that will enable you to get there. Some lucky folks don't need a plan, they just seem to fall into the clover; but for the rest of us, if you wish to improve your odds of success, you've got to craft a plan to get you to your goal(s).

Third, focus on your plan and make decisions that move you forward, not backward. A few minor impulsive (and perhaps bad) decisions that don't move you forward won't derail you entirely, but it doesn't take very many of the larger poor decisions to sabotage your chance at achieving your goal. Bad decisions are different from mistakes. Mistakes happen. You learn from mistakes. The bad decisions I'm referring to are the ones you make knowing full well they are contrary to your goals.

If you want to retire early, don't choose to spend $5000/yr on vacations that you may enjoy tremendously, but dilute your ability to fund investments that would allow you to retire early. Now let me be clear, there isn't anything wrong with $5000 a year vacations if your goal is to have $5000 a year vacations, and work until you die. But you have to define that goal to focus your attention.

 

[BuckCreek]

Do you have any interests, hobbies, talents, etc. that you could possibly do for or turn into a career? Especially any that would not be so physically demanding? If you like and enjoy what you do for a job / career IMO you will do better at it, stay with it, and strive to improve or build on it.

I found at a fairly young age that I l liked working with computers and technology, especially to solve problems. My career has been built around that. I have been with the same organization for over 15 years, moved around within it multiple times, had different positions, but have basically always been a problem solver focused on computers and technology. I have seen good and bad upper & middle management come and go, but have always found more than enough enjoyment in what I do to weather the bad, and have been fairly well rewarded over the years. I am not what I would consider financially wealthy, but by no means poor. I have a wonderful wife and kids, a nice home and property, and our financial future looks very good.

I guess my advice would be to take good look at yourself, find what makes you, tick, what makes you happy, then go from there. You may want to talk with a good career counselor to help figure that out. You have an advantage in that you are single. Making a change and being able to commit the time, effort, and sacrifices needed for that change are easier when you are single verses if you have a family already. Once you have kids in the picture there is a lot more to consider when making such a change.

Good luck. I hope you find something that fits you well and makes you happy and successful.

 

[churchmouse]

Deep question.
I have been doing a lot of inner searching myself. I had the exact same attitude of hey, screw it I'm gone. 2 "X" wives and 6 kids. All raised and paid for.
Worked in many fields/professions from HVAC-R (mainstay) to carpenter, plumber, fabricator, racing on a professional level and more. I have to say the only one of these I really liked was the racing. I was close to dropping the HVAC part of my career and going racing full time but changes in the sport (IRL) and family life made me reconsider.
Like you I have busted my butt all my life. Wife has as well. Savings have come and gone for many reasons partly my fault and the rest out of my control. Life and plans will change in a heart beat.
I am retired but was not financially ready for it because of the reasons listed. Wife is no longer able to work so I am here with her.
All I can say to you is stay the course. A job/career is something you have to have not something you have to like. If you are lucky enough to find something you enjoy doing it to will get old with time. Changes in the workplace happen so fast these days. Great job today....new boss/owner and it totally sucks tomorrow.

I guess I have not answered any part of you question. All I can really say is life can be tough when you do it alone. My wife has been the best part of everything I have ever acomplished since I met her.

 

[danielson]

For sure, life was so much better when I believed I had what you have. But in this day and age, people my age and younger are too busy thinking about themselves to ever bring what is necessary to the table, in order for that to exist. Ive given up on that idea, and now Im looking at ways to do it alone without it being so tough.

 

[comanche]

I have owned and still own a business and also worked for the other guy. I have always been in extremely high tech field. I worked for 20 years in electron beam analysis (Focus Ion Beam, Electron microscope type instruments) with a background in LASERs, electron optics and engineering. My 2 cents is FIRST, find the place you would love to live and then move...The jobs will come and until then you will enjoy the area. Later, if you do get married, have children you will be established where it is you would like to live and not retire to someplace where you won't get to see kids or the grand kids...but, only you can decide what is best for you, not us.

 

[SkullDaddy.45]

All the successful people I've had ever met have one thing in common, a positive attitude! They never worry about what they don't have, but are always greatfull for what they do have. They all work hard, never complain, and they always make decisions that will better their families! Sometime the right decisions are not always the easiest ones. Like others have already stated, make a plan, stick with it! And the most important thing is to stay positive!!

 

[churchmouse]

For sure, life was so much better when I believed I had what you have. But in this day and age, people my age and younger are too busy thinking about themselves to ever bring what is necessary to the table, in order for that to exist. Ive given up on that idea, and now Im looking at ways to do it alone without it being so tough.

I wish you a clear path in your pursuit. I have a son your age and he had all but given up on finding a partner to assist him in life's pursuits. He had to alter his perception of expectations he wanted in a partner. When he realized Ferrari's and porches (you know these woman) were to high maint. he found happiness with a good reliable Monte Carlo. Easy to look at, Always there, reliable and starts every time you need it. I hope the analogy in this is clear.
Like the horned one said....grass is greener where you water it. No truer words were ever uttered.

 

[hornadylnl]

I wish you a clear path in your pursuit. I have a son your age and he had all but given up on finding a partner to assist him in life's pursuits. He had to alter his perception of expectations he wanted in a partner. When he realized Ferrari's and porches (you know these woman) were to high maint. he found happiness with a good reliable Monte Carlo. Easy to look at, Always there, reliable and starts every time you need it. I hope the analogy in this is clear.
Like the horned one said....grass is greener where you water it. No truer words were ever uttered.

They used to say in the army that the est 2 duty stations are the one you came fro and the 1 you're going to next. Your current one is always the worst.

I could go elsewhere for money on the hour pretty easily. But I've learned that people are people the world over. You may hate your current boss, your pay or whatever. But rest assured, the other emloyers have their own bs you won't like either.

 

[churchmouse]

They used to say in the army that the est 2 duty stations are the one you came fro and the 1 you're going to next. Your current one is always the worst.

I could go elsewhere for money on the hour pretty easily. But I've learned that people are people the world over. You may hate your current boss, your pay or whatever. But rest assured, the other emloyers have their own bs you won't like either.

So true.

 

[hoosierdoc]

If you want, PM me your address and I'll send you two books that could help you find some direction in what you want to do.

 

[churchmouse]

If you want, PM me your address and I'll send you two books that could help you find some direction in what you want to do.

Gotta love the ingo regulars.....

 

[public servant]

WTH is wrong with Mars Hill???

 

[churchmouse]

MH is great.

 

[olhorseman]

From an old man who is very happy and secure, my 1st suggestion is to stop dreaming of a perfect life or even an enjoyable life. Dreams are for lazy people. Instead of dreams, examine your life and those around you to determine the things that are important. Next, set goals for different intervals of your life to attain what you established as important. And make a PLAN to reach each goal. Set goals that are realistic yet challenging. Begin with a goal for today, tomorrow, next week, this month, and this year. Write them down and measure your progress towards each. Make sure that each goal requires some work and sacrifice to reach them. Don't discard or overlook any goal, but revise them as needed.
Just make sure that each goal is your for you own satisfaction and not someone else. If you choose a life partner ( don't really care if same or opposite sex), be sure they have the same values and set goals for yourselves as a team. Reaching goals together strengthens the partnership.

 

[Gadgetmonster]

Great questions!
Here are my two cents:
You said... I guess Im wondering how you people all got where you are? Those of you with careers(not just meaningless jobs) … To me a career is doing something you like and want to do. How do you pick? Well, I suggest you read this short story. I did in the 70's and it changed my aimless life. Acres of Diamonds

You said... and some money in the bank, … That is an easy one. Pay yourself first every pay day. Put 10% in a savings account and do not touch it except to transfer it into a mutual fund that a financial planner puts you in later. It can build to be more money than you ever imagined. Start that now. Also sign up for Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace class. It will provide guidance in many other areas as well.

You said .. and confidence that you have a solid future,.. Here is my take, pick a career that is in need. My top suggestion is to look at the skilled trades. Machinist or welder type career. Check out MikeRoweWorks.com Companies are dying for machinists. They will pay for training, help folks get acclimated and pay generously and many times have good benefits. Later if the company gets bought out by a German conglomerate and they want you to move but you don’t want to because you just met the most delightful woman at church, you will have the skills that will allow you to get another position in the same field close to home. But you have to have passion for doing a good job with your hands. My son did this. Started at Central 9 and now has an incredible job at that big pharmaceutical place in Indy. Acres of diamonds will help. I bet your career is right within your grasp.

You said... how did you get there, ... and what can I learn from you to help myself find my way there? First, I suggest you relax about it ... if you worry too much about it you can get paralyzed. I don't know about you but for me prayer works. Ask, seek, read and be ready to take advantage of the door that you crack open. How did I get there? I made the decision what field I would pursue. Applied everywhere I could. I dressed well for every interview until I landed a position in that field. I was thrilled. I started work and for months I swept the floor. I made coffee for the guys every morning, emptied the trash, cleaned the washrooms, painted walls, got their lunch, cut the grass and did grunt work. Until one day they showed me how to run a basic machine. I got to do that more and more until they hired someone else to sweep. That was 39 years ago and now I own my own business. So stick with your decision. It will not be easy but you can do it. It sounds like decision time for you. Do some research, decide, lean into it, grow in your passion for it and don’t look back. Best wishes.