So your kid comes homes in tears

[88GT]

Interesting blog posted on my FB feeds today. Some guy gave his sob story about being the victim of a bully for most of his middle school and high school years. Then said the solution was love. Love all around. Love the bullies. Love the bullied. Love, love, love.

Gag me with a wedgie.

I can't fathom that we've devolved to a point in our society that our children think death is the only way out of the bully hell. I was picked on in school a lot for being nerdy and never wearing the stylish clothes and all those others stupid reasons kids get picked on. By today's standards it would probably qualify as bullying. But it never got physical more than once. And their verbal abuse only went so far because my mom was there to be sure I knew that it wasn't the truth.

Soooooo,

What would you do if your kid came home in tears because some a$$clown at school called him fat? Do you think he could hide the daily abuse from you? What if it got physical? Would he know it would be acceptable in your eyes to return the favor and make it obvious he was no body's punching bag? Would it be acceptable?


Here's the blog post in case anyone wants to read it: Single Dad Laughing: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

 

[IndyMonkey]

My 5 year old was crying today when he got of the bus because his friend said he didn't like him anymore.


Wise words from old dad. "you need to tuffen up,and find better friends"

 

[Que]

I hate bullies with a passion! If any school-aged kid puts their hands on my children in an offensive manner, each of them know enough to ensure it never happens again. They have each demonstrated to me that the karate classes are worth the money we are paying.

 

[Cru]

What a douche. I'll bet he cried while he was writing it. (the blog guy)

Anyway, I don't have kids (yet) but I'll have no problem telling them that it is perfectly acceptable to defend himself, and if he wants to point out all the flaws of the bullies, I have no problem with that either.

I HOPE to teach my kids that being confidence in yourself will solve most of this. Bullies pick on weakness, so if you have low self esteem, you get picked on more. Be confident and people will try to bug you less.

 

[christman]

Uggh.. To an extent. The kids need to take it and learn how to deal with it. Everyone isn't the same. Either ignore it, out-wit it, or punch it till it never bothers you again. 1 of the 3 will work in nearly every case. But I recommend the mix in succession.

 

[Que]

My 5 year old was crying today when he got of the bus because his friend said he didn't like him anymore.


Wise words from old dad. "you need to tuffen up,and find better friends"

Wait! Was it the cute blonde? You have to ask questions IndyMonkey!

 

[ATF Consumer]

Funny thing about having brothers and sisters...they prepare you for any future bullying that may occur. Never have I been so teased before than from my own brother. We were just talking about this the other day and agreed how cruel kids can be without even thinking about the impact they are causing.

 

[Fletch]

Uggh.. To an extent. The kids need to take it and learn how to deal with it. Everyone isn't the same. Either ignore it, out-wit it, or punch it till it never bothers you again. 1 of the 3 will work in nearly every case. But I recommend the mix in succession.

This only works if you have parents who will back you up when you get expelled. I was always told that if I got in trouble at school, I'd be in worse trouble when I got home. Standing up for myself was never mentioned as a justifiable reason to get in trouble.

 

[eldirector]

Gah.. By today's standards I was bullied a LOT in school. I usually ignored them (what are they gonna do, call me stupid? WGAF). Only once or twice did it escalate, and a well-placed punch dropped that bully. Even sticking up for yourself, but loosing the fight, will earn serious points other bullies. Several elementary school "bullies" ended up being high school friends, and the others ended up friendless by then.

I hope I can raise my daughter strong enough that emotional/intellectual bullies are ignored, and physical ones are dealt with (make sure parents/teachers know, and if it continues, defend yourself).

 

[Disposable Heart]

Usually the kids that pick on other's for being "fat" are fat themselves, or bulemic.

Gave a studder to a kid in middle school who was bullying me. Kept it up for a week, my first week at that middle school too. Caught me on a bad day and he caught my school band saxophone case to the side of the head, the fat, tub of hate and crap. Still studders today, probably retreads tires for the rest of his life like the fat white trash he was.

Bottom line: Screw around once, I'll let it go. Keep it up a second time, remind him of impending, lifechanging situation. Third time (the bullying mark in my mind), put the fat f%&@ in the hospital.

Like I said, most of the time, the bully is drawing upon an issue they need to work out (or they just need to work out in general, those types rely upon fragile alliances with other kids to do their dirty work and are of similar cruel minds). Realistically, if they don't learn that this behavior (bullying) is wrong and will get them KILLED in later life, they need to learn it on the double quick.

 

[eldirector]

This only works if you have parents who will back you up when you get expelled. I was always told that if I got in trouble at school, I'd be in worse trouble when I got home. Standing up for myself was never mentioned as a justifiable reason to get in trouble.

I got the same from my parents, and hope I don't do the same to my girl. I remember feeling pretty helpless at times, because I knew I had no support from any adult. If my girl is in the right, I hope I remember to back her up, no matter what the cost.

 

[Eddie]

What would you do if your kid came home in tears because some a$ at school called him fat? Do you think he could hide the daily abuse from you? What if it got physical? Would he know it would be acceptable in your eyes to return the favor and make it obvious he was no body's punching bag? Would it be acceptable?


Here's the blog post in case anyone wants to read it: Single Dad Laughing: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

My question is whether or not the kid is fat. If he's fat then the other child was not a bully. He was honest. It may be insensitive to point it out but if the child is fat then they need to cope with people on occasion pointing out that he is fat.

 

[Cemetery-man]

My son is physically handicapped to an extent that he was a frequent patient at the Shriner's children's hospital in Chicago until his 18th birthday. Many times he came home from school crying because kids were teasing and calling him names because of his handicap. Since fighting was not an option, I gave him a bit of advice that actually worked out very well for him. I simply told him to make sure he hung around with kids that were bigger than the bullies. He started associating with the jocks which eventually got him involved with the non-physical side of sports, ended up becoming very popular with his classmates, was elected prom king and best of all, the bullies never bothered him again.

 

[Bendrx]

I got to kick some bully asparagus in elementry school (H TF did I spell Asparagus right and not elementry, even after several attempts. Too lazy to googing it now) while on a field trip to Eagle Creek. Fortunatly, my dad was a parent volunteer and he quickly took me off to the side for an attaboy that I guess looked like a "good talking to" from the groups POV.

As for the OP, I don't have kids, but I feel I know how I would react "Somebody hit you? You did hit them back right?" If they don't defend themselves then maybe a spanking for that.

 

[eldirector]

My son is physically handicapped to an extent that he was a frequent patient at the Shriner's children's hospital in Chicago until his 18th birthday. Many times he came home from school crying because kids were teasing and calling him names because of his handicap. I gave him a bit of advice that actually worked out very well for him. I simply told him to make sure he hung around with kids that were bigger than the bullies. He started associating with the jocks which eventually got him involved with the non-physical side of sports, ended up becoming very popular with his classmates, was elected prom king and best of all, the bullies never bothered him again.

Great story and advice!

I actually got to know several of the "hoods", and so had some of the same "protection". Wasn't prom king though, .

Several folks have made the point that it is "who you know". If you don't have good friends (that will back you up), then you are an easy target.

 

[Cemetery-man]

If he's fat then the other child was not a bully. He was honest.

You guys need to get over this hatred for fat people. Many times people have no control over the system that God gives them. So, according to the above statement, the kids that call my son names because of his physical appearance due to crippling joint dysplacia (sp), were not bullying him and were just being honest making it acceptable.

We all know kids can be cruel but parents should be mature enough and never defend such cruelty towards another child.

 

[ATF Consumer]

You guys need to get over this hatred for fat people. Many times people have no control over the system that God gives them. So, according to the above statement, the kids that call my son names because of his physical appearance due to crippling joint dysplacia (sp), were not bullying him and were just being honest making it acceptable.

We all know kids can be cruel but parents should be mature enough and never defend such cruelty towards another child.

While I agree with you, it is most likely that some fat kid that is being made fun of is due to gluttony and not a medical condition. It is cruel either way.

 

[Eddie]

You guys need to get over this hatred for fat people. Many times people have no control over the system that God gives them. So, according to the above statement, the kids that call my son names because of his physical appearance due to crippling joint dysplacia (sp), were not bullying him and were just being honest making it acceptable.

We all know kids can be cruel but parents should be mature enough and never defend such cruelty towards another child.

I agree that there can be a point where words cross over into bullying, but people are still people. Kids are going to say things. While telling a child that pointing out that someone is fat is impolite, it is also fair to tell a fat child "hey, people are going to make comments, you need to learn to cope". You gave your child a coping skill and it worked. A fat kid might need to build up their self esteem, lose weight or otherwise learn to deal instead of coming home crying.

 

[Cemetery-man]

I agree that there can be a point where words cross over into bullying, but people are still people. Kids are going to say things. While telling a child that pointing out that someone is fat is impolite, it is also fair to tell a fat child "hey, people are going to make comments, you need to learn to cope". You gave your child a coping skill and it worked. A fat kid might need to build up their self esteem, lose weight or otherwise learn to deal instead of coming home crying.

Good point.

Being a runt, I learned to never mess with the fat kids in school because they would have beat me up.

 

[ATF Consumer]

Short kids kick hard, just below the knee.