Questions about seniors driving/taking their license

[hornadylnl]

My grandfather just turned 85 and I was just informed his insurance just canceled his policy. He's had at least a half a dozen accidents in the last 2 years. His mobility is severely limited and has no business driving anymore. My deadbeat aunt lives with him and she had her license taken away so my grandpa has been driving himself and her to their multitude of dr's appointments.

I'm wondering if his insurance cancels his policy, will they report it to the BMV? I'm afraid he will get in a wreck without insurance and lose everything he has. WTF do old people have to be so inconsiderate when it comes to giving up driving? My grandmother (his wife) became legally blind and gave it up on her own. Sometime later, she was fitted with a telescopic pair of glasses and was tested and got her license back. She could only drive during daytime hours. Some time went by and her vision got worse. She headed out in the car one day and turned around and went back home because she knew she could no longer do it. It was an inconvenience for her but she put the safety of others above herself.

 

[Disposable Heart]

My grandfather went that way too: Was driving, could not see and whacked into a telephone pole, thinking it was the road (coloration?) Regardless, he used so many reasons why he should be allowed to keep driving: was a vet, fought hard to be "pissed on by the system", can drive cause kids don't know how to drive, etc...

There HAS to be a line. When the insurance company drops you, sorry, no good. I don't even believe in the system of "daylight only" driving. My old CRX was whacked by some blue hair that was out at night when she was on a daylight only liscense. It's not just inconsiderate to other drivers, it's dangerous.

 

[Suprtek]

There are also situations where they just plain don't know any better. My MIL still thinks she and her husband can drive and talks about it all the time. Neither one of them has driven in years. I had to disable their car because she kept taking off in it and couldn't find her way home. She still talks about it a lot but hasn't tried to get in the car for a while because she has no need to. We make sure they get where they need to go.

 

[johncarbaugh]

So when you get older how easily will you give up driving? I think a lot of it is just pride. Who wants to admit they just can't do things for themselves any more. My grandparents all can still drive legally but non has done so in two years. Family makes sure they have no reason to drive and get them where they want to go.

 

[Tat2dman46013]

MY .02 ONLY,ya have to understand it`s hard to lose your independance,my dad`s in the same boat(85),but his Dr. sent a letter to the BMV,and they suspended him,not a big deal to me I`m retired so I can take him where he needs to go,but he sure hates it,thinks he`s putting me out...hard situation for sure.

 

[Jay]

Family.... period.

 

[Blue Tile Spook]

If the family is concerned about his state of mind or driving abilities, you can write a letter to the Medical Division/Drivers Services at the BMV in Indianapolis at 100 N. Senate Ave., Indianapolis in 46204. Include his name, DOB, address and telephone number. Just state that you are requesting a drive test due to whatever issues he is experiencing and they will send him a letter or call him and they will set up a time for a special drive test at his local BMV.

Any additional questions, email me.

The driver's examiner understand that it is hard for a person to surrender or have a license taken away, so if possible, they give every benefit of the doubt to the person being tested. If they can solve the problem through restrictions on the license, such as daylight driving only, 15-mile radius from home, no Interstate driving, etc., they will do that instead of removing the license. Sometimes the license must be removed for the safety of others and there is no other option.

ETA: No, the insurance co. won't notify the BMV.

 

[96firephoenix]

idk what it is about old people and driving, but my Grandmother, bless her heart, is in her late 80's, is blind enough she can't read a clock from 2 feet away, probably doesn't have the strength to put the car in gear and can't remember that there are in fact no stairs between her bedroom and the rest of the house and calls it "going upstairs" when she goes back to her room....

she thinks she can get her licence and is ok to drive.

I don't blame your grandfather's insurance for yanking his policy. we had insurance revoked on our truck after about a half-dozen claims in 3 years. they're just covering their own assets.

 

[hornadylnl]

I'm the only relative within 30 miles of his house and I'm within 5 miles. I have an uncle who has offered to let him move in with him but he won't do it. My deadbeat, dopehead aunt lives with my grandpa and just had her license revoked a few months ago. He does more to care for her than vice versa. All the rest of the family likes to show their concern from a distance but they want me to do all the work. I love my grandpa to death and owe most of what I am to him. I work full time and am unable to provide transportation. I believe he would thrive in an assisted living facility but I think he refuses because he feels guilty about what would happen to my aunt.

I don't want to report him to the state and cause family problems. Some of my wife's family reported her grandparents and they were enraged. I think senior citizens should realize there comes a time that they are no longer capable of driving and give it up for the safety of others. When my wife's family expressed concern for the safety of others, her granparents response was that it must have vmbeen God's will if they killed someone. I don't see how anyone could be that self centered. We all need to plan for a time that we will no longer be able to be independent.

 

[Mr. Habib]

I had to deal with this with my own parents. My mother has macular degeneration and can't begin to see well enough to drive. My father suffers from dementia. My mom gave up her license when it expired but had stopped driving long before that. My dad would drive them around town against the wishes of the family. He would depend on Mom to navigate for him. I live about 1/4 mile from their house and my wife and I would take them anywhere they need to go but they would still go out on their own. I think it is about feeling independent and not being a burden to others. My dad finally quit trying drive when he got in the car one day and couldn't remember how to start it.

My cousins had the same problem with my uncle. They tried to reason with him, hide the keys, had his license revoked by the DMV and finally just took the keys from the house. He would still go out to the barn, get on the tractor and drive to town. Did that till he was about 90.

 

[E5RANGER375]

So when you get older how easily will you give up driving? I think a lot of it is just pride. Who wants to admit they just can't do things for themselves any more. My grandparents all can still drive legally but non has done so in two years. Family makes sure they have no reason to drive and get them where they want to go.

while it might not be a prideful decision, I would easily make it. the reason is, I couldn't live with myself if I killed another member of my family or someone elses for the simple reason that I couldn't bare to give up my license when im 80 and cant see.
any kind of knowingly impaired driver ticks me off. if you cant react quickly to an incident or even see the damn road then get off it.

 

[MrsXtremeVel]

My grandfather just turned 85 and I was just informed his insurance just canceled his policy. He's had at least a half a dozen accidents in the last 2 years. His mobility is severely limited and has no business driving anymore. My deadbeat aunt lives with him and she had her license taken away so my grandpa has been driving himself and her to their multitude of dr's appointments.

I'm wondering if his insurance cancels his policy, will they report it to the BMV? I'm afraid he will get in a wreck without insurance and lose everything he has. WTF do old people have to be so inconsiderate when it comes to giving up driving? My grandmother (his wife) became legally blind and gave it up on her own. Sometime later, she was fitted with a telescopic pair of glasses and was tested and got her license back. She could only drive during daytime hours. Some time went by and her vision got worse. She headed out in the car one day and turned around and went back home because she knew she could no longer do it. It was an inconvenience for her but she put the safety of others above herself.

My grandmother drove until she was 90. Unfortunately my dad had to be the one to tell her it was time to give up her keys. She had numerous accidents and didn't realize how bad her driving was. She was very mad. I don't know if this is an option, but does the city your grandfather lives in have a Council on Aging Center? When we were unavailable, they made arrangements for her to be picked up and taken where she needed to go. She also had friends that would take her places. One of her friends had the early stages of Alzheimers. She drove well but got lost alot. Her friend would drive and they would navigate. My grandmother has been gone for 9 years now, but I miss her spunk and her wit.

 

[Blue Tile Spook]

I'm the only relative within 30 miles of his house and I'm within 5 miles. I have an uncle who has offered to let him move in with him but he won't do it. My deadbeat, dopehead aunt lives with my grandpa and just had her license revoked a few months ago. He does more to care for her than vice versa. All the rest of the family likes to show their concern from a distance but they want me to do all the work. I love my grandpa to death and owe most of what I am to him. I work full time and am unable to provide transportation. I believe he would thrive in an assisted living facility but I think he refuses because he feels guilty about what would happen to my aunt.

I don't want to report him to the state and cause family problems. Some of my wife's family reported her grandparents and they were enraged. I think senior citizens should realize there comes a time that they are no longer capable of driving and give it up for the safety of others. When my wife's family expressed concern for the safety of others, her granparents response was that it must have vmbeen God's will if they killed someone. I don't see how anyone could be that self centered. We all need to plan for a time that we will no longer be able to be independent.

Horn, ya got me mad, now, bro.

If you didn't want the advice, you shouldn't have asked.

If you don't want to be the "bad guy", the get the heck out of the situation all together. You can't always be the good guy.

You "owe most of what I am to him", yet you are afraid of talking to him about coming off the road? And if he refuses, making him get off the road? To save him? To save others on the road?

Dude...

 

[hornadylnl]

Dude, my question was if the insurance company would report the cancelations to the bmv. I don't recall asking for a 20 step howto and then pooh poohing your advice. I appreciate the advice and will confer with my uncles who should be getting involved.

One uncle suggested he buy an assisted living condo that has some sort of buy back program and the deadbeat aunt turned it around to trying to dump him off into a nursing home. If the aunt would go away, it would make this whole situation easier. She guilt trips him with suicide threats so he's not about to move out and leave her on her own.

I have to figure out what level of "authority" I have as a grandson without stepping on toes or being made into the "evil greedy bastard after his money".

 

[hornadylnl]

Just called the uncle with the best position to step in and his response was he's looking for new insurance. I guess whatevers the least work for everyone else. It seems I'm the only one concerned about getting him off the road.

 

[Jay]

Senility often prevents the elderly from "seeing" issues that other folks see easily. Consider asking his Dr. to say something to him.

 

[Blue Tile Spook]

Dude, my question was if the insurance company would report the cancelations to the bmv. I don't recall asking for a 20 step howto and then pooh poohing your advice. I appreciate the advice and will confer with my uncles who should be getting involved.

I understand what question you specifically asked. I also understand that you are worried about him and I gave you an alternate idea to follow since the insurance co. won't take away your grandfather's license, which to me is a family issue. Yes, not necessarily your responsibility as a grandson. The primary responsibility of a son(s) or daughter(s). The question hinted at IMO was, "What do I do if this is not reported and I feel that my grandfather shouldn't be on the road anymore?" BTDT with one grandfather and one step-grandfather. My grandfather took himself off the road, the step-grandfather got sick too quickly that it wasn't really an issue as he was quickly put into a nursing home with aggressive dementia.

One uncle suggested he buy an assisted living condo that has some sort of buy back program and the deadbeat aunt turned it around to trying to dump him off into a nursing home.

Good. I'm glad that a son is involved in doing something. This takes some pressure off of you to do something. Again, BTDT and no fun was had by me, the grandson.

If the aunt would go away, it would make this whole situation easier. She guilt trips him with suicide threats so he's not about to move out and leave her on her own.

You and I have talked about this situation before in another thread. No BS, no sarcasm - I really feel for you. My step-aunt, the daughter of the step-grandfather is/was a waste of space, too. She was paralyzed when it came to making decisions but raised hell if anyone else tried to make a decision. I was luckier than you because my step-aunt doesn't have any alcohol or drug problems. Emotional problems... bunches.

I have to figure out what level of "authority" I have as a grandson without stepping on toes or being made into the "evil greedy bastard after his money".

I understand this. From one grandson to another, I understand the family dynamics. I understand that you can't go in and strong-arm the family or the grandfather into either making a decision or even discussing the problem. My only point is, if you love him and he has the problems that you are describing, get him off the road before you lose him this way. Even if it makes him mad.

Just to be clear, I'm not saying notifying his doc or the BMV is the first step in this process. Talking to "grandpa" is the first. Family discussions. Doctor discussions. Lastly, going tot he State to have him evaluated for his driving skills.

As to the Uncle trying to find him another insurance co... Why?

 

[hornadylnl]

I think my grandpa is trying to find other insurance. I think this uncle just wants whatever done that means the least involvement for him. His other response it that they haven't ticketed him for his accidents so I guess he feels that he's still ok to drive. He also says that if he's caught driving without insurance, they'll take his license. I told him that if he's still willing to drive without insurance, I don't think a revoked license will stop him either. My uncle also made the suggestion to him to get just liability insurance if he can't find full coverage as he can afford to take a loss on his own vehicle. Doesn't seem to me that my uncle is worried about him hurting or killing himself or others.

The aunt that is loving there has trashed the placed so bad with her hoarding that it's unfit to live in but the uncles won't do anything to force her out. He's diabetic and has issues keeping it under control. She pretty much only feeds him prepared foods and box crap and I don't think it's very regularly. The kitchen is a stye and unhealthy.

 

[hornadylnl]

I honestly don't know what I'm going to have to do here. I played parent to both my mom and dad when they died in 2008. I honestly don't know if I'm capable of doing it again.

Here's a basic layout of the family.
Uncle 1 - homeless but mostly lives with a lady friend. He's the one who suggested the assisted living condo. It would be great if he'd move in and provide help/transportation in turn for a free place to live, etc. But I don't think he'll do it as long as my aunt is living there. They don't get along.

Uncle 2 - The most responsible. He lives an hour away and seems unconcerned about getting him off the road. He's the one I spoke to last night.

Uncle 3 - Lives in Texas. He's the most concerned of all but can't do much from Texas.

Aunt - She's the one living with my grandpa and is nothing but a boat anchor. My grandpa didn't know how to operate a microwave, washing machine, etc after my grandma died. I had to go their multiple times to show him how to do those things. Even with his extremely limited knowledge of "taking care" of himself, he was better off without her there. She had lived there til my grandma died but moved out with a boyfriend shortly after my grandma died. She has since moved back in and the place is pretty much uninhabitable now. He won't move out because he still feels he needs to parent her. She's a 48 yo woman going on 3. He feels guilty about her and she threatens suicide all the time.

Me - I live within 5 miles and do a lot for him when I can. This past summer, I built this house and with the hours and shift I work, it doesn't leave me much time to do anything else any more.

Cousins - They're spread out but some live within 30 miles. I don't think any of them have been to his house more than 2-3 times within the last 2-3 years.

Everybody seems to think it's up to me to do the day to day things. I've already made it known that once my grandpa is gone, my aunt is on her own and I'm not taking care of the house stuff. None of the other family wants anything to do with her either.

I guess this is more of a rant than anything. I love my grandpa to death and feel torn between feeling like I'm not taking good enough care of him and being pissed at the rest of the family who doesn't seem to care what happens. I think my "family" will shrink by a few dozen members once my grandpa is gone.

 

[Jay]

hornadylnl.... I've been in a similar situation for the last 6 months caring for my 90 year old mother after she fell and broke her hip. I couldn't depend on others. I had to run with it and learn along the way. All you can do is the best you can with what you have. I did quite a bit of guessing, and second guessing between May 27th, and Dec 15th, when mom passed away. You do what you can while you've got him around. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE else can go to heII in a hand basket.

Heh, not that you asked for my two cents.... sorry if I intruded.