makes you think who your friends are...

[megalomaniac]

so...im getting married in september of this year. the guys i asked to be my groomsmen are real close friends of mine. we have been through a lot of tough **** for many years. honestly anytime they needed a place to stay, money, or someone to just vent to i was always there for them. 3 months ago i asked everyone to be a part of my wedding. thinking that they would take it as serious as i am. i spoke to everyone about getting fitted and payments for there tux. (basically broke down exactly what they needed to do) i figured they would be responsible enough to go out on there own and get fitted. i told them by july 1st they needed to have been fitted/paid off the tux. only 1 of 4 have done this, even my best man failed to do as promised. im pretty pissed off and feel completely disrespected. makes me think that maybe im "blind" when it comes to looking at our friendship. but to look back on all the **** we have done together, to me, it doesnt seem like it wasnt a "real" friendship. i even called everyone last month telling them that they have 30 days to get everything paid off. they all promised they would get it done. now i gotta tell them to basically **** off. i feel betrayed 100% i dont even want to see these people/speak to them ever again. on one of the most important days of my life they wont be there for me, when i have always been there for them.

so with that said, has anyone here at INGO had anything like this happen to them? and how did you handle the situation or how would you handle this?

thanks

Give them ONE more chance. And make it known that is the LAST chance. Just my 2 cents.

 

[churchmouse]

In my time I have had to clean house of folks I considered friends. Even when giving them a second chance I find my first decision to fire them was right. People "Hook" onto your flow and ride on your coat tails whenever they can. I have a few people that are still considered friends from around high school. Not all close friends but it is good to see them when our paths cross. As stated, if you end this life with 1 true friend you are blessed. I am blessed with many but it has been a long trail to end up with these good folks. You have to surround yourself with like thinking people. Give as you get from them. Share but do not allow repeated silliness on their part to enter and alter your life. People too often mistake kindness for weakness. Your focus should be on your family.
Congrats on the up-coming nuptials.

 

[goinggreyfast]

When it all boils down to it--your spouse had better be your best friend. Like I stated earlier, I was 32 before I got married. I waited to meet my best friend and I married her. There is no other human on this earth that I trust more than my wife. I would take a beating and a bullet for that wonderful lady.

I know, there is a difference between the best friend of the same sex vs spousal best friend, but things change when one gets married, or they should anyway.

 

[88GT]

OP, this is just God's way of giving you a little taste of what your wife will endure for the next 50+ years. It has been my experience that one of the general traits of men is to concern themselves only with what is important to them. If it doesn't get attention, it's not important to them. Sadly, your friends don't see your wedding as important enough because they don't see your friendship as important enough.

 

[DRob]

Try this............

You have my permission to borrow this message. "Hey Dude! If you don't want to be in the wedding, just say so!"

DO NOT "send" or "leave" the message. Deliver it directly by voice, face to face if possible, and tell them you need an answer NOW. These guys are messing with one of the most important events in your life.

 

[Citizen711]

Yea, I think it is common, and highly irritating, considering the stress you're already under. They will probably get the money, but some people are so dang frugal that they want to wait and gain interest for an extra week. Most likely though, they just forgot, so you need to politely remind them. No one takes your wedding as seriously as you do.

Anyone responsible enough to have money put aside drawing interest would have taken care of this responsibility. It seems more like a simple case of dragging their feet shelling out money for someone else's benefit, which shouldn't be an issue for close friends. The OP is completely justified in being pissed off.

Sounds like a major lack of maturity. How old are all of you?

This is exactly what I was thinking.

Now, on the flip side, just to play devil's advocate here, I have been involved in other people's weddings before (not a member of the wedding party or anything, but there were other expenses incurred), when I couldn't help shaking the opinion that they were going a bit overboard with the whole thing, making things unnecessarily more expensive for all involved that it needed to be. Easy thought for someone to have when it's not their wedding. Still, there's no excuse for either not doing your part for a close friend or manning up and stating right up front that you just can't cover the cost. There should be more shame in letting someone down late in the game than making it clear up front that you can't afford it in the first place.

When it all boils down to it--your spouse had better be your best friend. Like I stated earlier, I was 32 before I got married. I waited to meet my best friend and I married her. There is no other human on this earth that I trust more than my wife. I would take a beating and a bullet for that wonderful lady.

I know, there is a difference between the best friend of the same sex vs spousal best friend, but things change when one gets married, or they should anyway.

That's some straight up solid wisdom, right there. Read it twice. Believe it. My wife really is my best friend.

 

[Cpl. Klinger]

I wouldn't cross the street to spit on my best man from when I was married 8 years ago (wow, that just made me feel old). And I don't hang out with anyone on a regular basis, partially because that's just my personality. As long as you're not making a huge deal of the day and turning into Groomzilla, then they're just showing you their true colors.

You will find out, as other have said, that as you grow older, if you have chosen the right one, you have a forever best friend. I know I do.

 

[Mackey]

THE OTHER SIDE???

"Look, I'm the kind of guy who'll help you tear a roof off and re-roof your garage. I'll help you work on your transmission, I'll help you move and if the SHTF I'll be by your side.
But screw getting all dressed up for a stupid wedding. It's you're thing, not mine. Weddings are extremely boring for those of us not tying the knot and I hate getting dressed up.
If you can't accept that ... maybe I need to look for other friends."

 

[woowoo2]

I don't trust/like most people.

Hug......

 

[patience0830]

Do your groomsmen like your soon to be wife?

This should not be a consideration. If they are his friends and agreed to the conditions of being a groomsman, who he chooses to marry has absolutely no bearing on whether they honor their commitment. I don't suppose he had to hold them at gunpoint when he asked for their commitment to be at the ceremony.
They're immature, selfish, Arse holes and the OP needs better friends. I've pruned way back on who earns the title of friend.

 

[churchmouse]

OP, this is just God's way of giving you a little taste of what your wife will endure for the next 50+ years. It has been my experience that one of the general traits of men is to concern themselves only with what is important to them. If it doesn't get attention, it's not important to them. Sadly, your friends don't see your wedding as important enough because they don't see your friendship as important enough.

Well, maybe when we are young and dumb but age will mellow most of us (Males)...just saying.......
My friends like my wife more than they do me. They are her body guards. They call her Mom and they mean it.