INGO: Joke of the day page

[Ballstater98]

 

[JCSR]

My wife goes to the Doctor very worried abut a recent discovery.

Wife: Doctor there is a hole between my nipples that has me very troubled.

Doctor: No need to be worried your belly button is where it's always been.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[Hatin Since 87]

View attachment 361261

Thats because people never speak bad about someone who was killed.

Could you imagine them saying “Bob was an intovert, and most described him as being a real dick”.

Never trust the media

 

[JCSR]

A rich old man of 88 married a beautiful young girl of 23 and it wasn’t long before she was expecting a baby.

Overjoyed at the news, the old man was taken aside by his kindly doctor, who had known his patient for a long time and was concerned for his well-being.

“Listen, Jack, it’s about the baby. Let’s see if I can explain what I mean. There was a big game hunter who’d spent all his life in Africa, but was now really to old to last the distance. He decided to go out one last time, but being so absent,minded, instead of his gun, he took his walking stick with him. Time went by, when suddenly a man-eating lion confronted the man he lifted his stick and shot the animal dead.”

“But, that cant be!” cried the patient. “Someone else must have shot it.”

“Absolutely,” replied the doctor. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”

 

[Ballstater98]

 

[Ballstater98]

 

[jamil]

View attachment 369811

Eh, she prolly got it from her dad.

 

[JCSR]

This was surreal.... yesterday I was travelling between Booneville and Evansville behind an ambulance.
Oddly, I noticed a small metal box sitting on the back bumper. When the ambulance turned the corner, the box flew off and landed on the curb. I thought it's time for me to be a good Samaritan so I pulled over and retrieved it. Curious I made the mistake of opening it….there was a human toe packed in a bag of Ice
After getting over my shock I thought someone probably really needs this, so I called the hospital and told them what I saw, they said 'yes, the ambulance had arrived minus the box!'. I gave them my location and asked if they were going to send another ambulance to collect it?
The lady replied "No, we'll just send a
toe truck......."

 

[rhamersley]

This was surreal.... yesterday I was travelling between Booneville and Evansville behind an ambulance.
Oddly, I noticed a small metal box sitting on the back bumper. When the ambulance turned the corner, the box flew off and landed on the curb. I thought it's time for me to be a good Samaritan so I pulled over and retrieved it. Curious I made the mistake of opening it….there was a human toe packed in a bag of Ice
After getting over my shock I thought someone probably really needs this, so I called the hospital and told them what I saw, they said 'yes, the ambulance had arrived minus the box!'. I gave them my location and asked if they were going to send another ambulance to collect it?
The lady replied "No, we'll just send a
toe truck......."

 

[JCSR]

View attachment 370159

 

[Nazgul]

This was surreal.... yesterday I was travelling between Booneville and Evansville behind an ambulance.
Oddly, I noticed a small metal box sitting on the back bumper. When the ambulance turned the corner, the box flew off and landed on the curb. I thought it's time for me to be a good Samaritan so I pulled over and retrieved it. Curious I made the mistake of opening it….there was a human toe packed in a bag of Ice
After getting over my shock I thought someone probably really needs this, so I called the hospital and told them what I saw, they said 'yes, the ambulance had arrived minus the box!'. I gave them my location and asked if they were going to send another ambulance to collect it?
The lady replied "No, we'll just send a
toe truck......."

Please let yourself out.....

Don

 

[24Carat]

Do you know how you can tell a virgin Kentuckian ? ?

She's the one that can outrun her brothers ! !

 

[actaeon277]

 

[tomcat13]

Kid dressed like a Pirate rings the Doorbell on Halloween.
Fella answers the door & says "What are you supposed to be?'
Kid says "I'm a Pirate."
Fella says "you don't really look like a Pirate-If you're a Pirate, where are your Buccaneers?"
Kid says "they're on my Buckin Head, now gimme some Candy."

 

[SheepDog4Life]

 

[Magyars]

Guy goes to the Dr...
Says his junk is orange!
Doc: have you been around chemicals, stains, oils?
Guy: no, I'm retired
Doc: been near any nuclear materials?
Guy: no, I'm retired
DOC: any strange biological stuff?
Guy: nope, I'm retired
Doc: what do you do all day?
Guy: I sit around, watch porn, and eat cheetos!

Drum
Bu-dum-dum

 

[Hardscrable]

 

[Hardscrable]

 

[JCSR]

A bloke goes to the council to apply for a job in the office.


The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything"


He replies, "Yes caffeine."


"Have you ever worked for the public service before."


"Yes I was in the army he says, I was in Iraq for two tours."


The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."


Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way"


The guy says "Yes,a mine exploded next to me when I was there and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. , You've got enough points for me to take you on right away."


"Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm.......but you can start tomorrow at 10.00am-and carry on starting at 10.00am everyday."


The bloke is puzzled and asks. "If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm ,why don't you want me here until 10.00am.. I'm not looking for any special treatment y'know."


"What you have to understand is that this is a council job, the interviewer says, For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. There's no point you coming in for that.".............