Anyone else choosing to not have kids?

[flashpuppy]

My wife and I have been actively choosing to not grow our family outside of us and whatever critters are around. We are both in our late twenties, no previous spouses for either of us, no children for either of us. We've been married for four years, quite happily I might add. My wife has a MS in Biology and works in Cytogenetics at one of the big Chicago hospitals, I am self-employed.

With the way the world seems to be heading... I really don't know. Neither of us really have the desire for kids honestly. We have found our current lifestyle to be quite responsibility free, flexible and financially comfortable. Neither of us really want to give that up.

Are my wife and I crazy or is anyone else finding themselves in a similar position?

 

[TopDog]

My daughter and her husband had the same state of mind. Until this year, now they are trying to have a child. When I asked what changed their minds she basically said age and wisdom. Its a personal choice that one can change their minds on later.

 

[K_W]

My wife and I are 30, we're homeowners in a nice, safe, mature neighborhood, no debt other than the mortgage, and we have no plans for having kids, unless nature finds a way...

 

[dmarsh8]

I'm still looking for the right incubator

 

[JettaKnight]

I'll just come to the point upfront: you sound selfish, as in "we can't be inconvenienced with kids". Instead of thinking about how worse your life will be, think about how richer it will be. Instead of thinking how they will affect your life, think about the positive influence you can have on new life. Think in the long term - as in thirty years from now and what you might miss out on. Ask someone with kids about how much they grew up with their kids. Ask your parents. It sounds like they did a good job raising you so they might have insight.

As to "the way the world is heading", that could be said in any time and any place. Outside of the Garden of Eden, the world has always been filled with pain and evil. You're certainly not the first person to think this way, but it's really not a good excuse.

"Savoring the moment" is a good key to life, but so if accepting the fact that life requires changes to grow and flourish. Just look at the guys that are trapped in their frat boys days and can't let go of that lifestyle.



We were in the same position you are now - good careers and no desire to change. Then we realized our lives were missing something. And then we found out we couldn't have children. And now it's a bit too late for us to do anything about it. Sure there's complex medical procedures but we both have ethical qualms against that; and adoptions is a "seller's market", that is to say demand outpaces supply such that there's a huge amount of hoops, time, and cost associated with it.

At this point, we try to use the freedom we have in altruistic ways - helping others, serving the church, etc. But, there's a parts of each of us that hasn't grown up. Parenting seems to instil a selflessness and patience that neither one of us has fully developed.


Now, go watch Idiocracy. No really, watch it because it's funny with a tinge of truth behind it.

 

[remauto1187]

Im gonna approach the OP's "question" a different way than the guy above me did.

ITS YOU AND YOUR WIFES CHOICE! Nobody else has a say in it but you 2 and god !

I will add that I was 38 when my son(My only kid) was born and it totally changed my life. I have to plan ahead, think certain things through more carefully essentially think of more than just myself. I live with my girlfriend (mother of my child) and her 2 kids from a previous marriage. I do above average for income though so I am not selling blood at the bloodbank to keep food on the table.

 

[Gluemanz28]

I'm happy that my parents chose to have children. Nuff said.

 

[1861navy]

I used to think that way. Even said a few of those things. However I'm around your age OP and I realized after high school that those were excuses for my own insecurities. I wasn't secure in a job, no relationship, housing, etc. Your situation is vastly different though. On the other side of that same coin, my aunt and uncle have been happily married for 38 years without children. They were both professors at LSU and traveled all over the world in their free time. When I asked why they never had children they simply responded with, " We don't want the responsibility. Plus, if we had kids we wouldn't get to travel all over the world." So in a sense Jettaknight is right about the selfishness. Yet then again it's better to be selfish without children than to be selfish with children. That being said, I can then only say; a) good for you two to know what you want right now, b) it might change one day

 

[pute62]

While I always say, my parents didn't have any kids that lived, I enjoy the company of my son. And really enjoy the company of my 4 yo Grandson. Would I have kids in this day and age?,the answer is NO! This Country is coming to the end and it's not going to be pretty! May God have Mercy on us all!!!

 

[PistolBob]

Look at Europe. If you want your culture to die off, then don't have children and raise them to be like you. Let the "other" guys do that. Ultimately it is your choice whether you have children or not. We had five pregnancies, two made it to birth, and they have added eight more to the family tree. Our family is one of our most precious gifts in this life.

 

[CountryBoy19]

IMHO, the excuse of "look where this country is headed" is just that, an excuse... the "other side" isn't stopping... they are breeding more welfare leeches every day... in the words of one of my co-workers that has plenty of children, "I'm breeding conservatives one at a time"... It doesn't matter that you perceive we are in a downward spiral, what matters is that you make the best of it. In all reality, our downward spiral has a VERY long way to the bottom... people used to live in caves and have children. They made it work, there was suffering, there will always be suffering. Only you can make the decision but to make excuses is selfish IMHO. If you don't want kids, that's fine, but if you don't want them because you don't want to bring them into a world full of evil then I think your line of thought is off-track...

And even if the "end-times are near" as another poster said, the world still needs good people right up to the end. You can change the world by raising productive members of society even if they are outnumbered by the leeches...

FWIW, my wife and I are in late 20's, married 4 years, both have college degrees and good jobs. Very little debt, nice house, etc. We don't have any kids yet; we regret waiting so long to start a family. We don't have any excuses for waiting, it was just one of those things where "we'll get around to it, but right now I want to do this, or that, then we will"... and the years flew by. And here we are in our late 20's with no kids. If we start now and have only one child I will be nearly 50 by the time he/she moves out. But it's still worth it to me... I don't care how old I am... we both want a larger family so I may be well over 50 by the time we have an empty nest (if we can even accomplish the goal of a large family).

 

[wtburnette]

I don't have any children of my own, but I did raise a stepson. I can't understand not wanting to have kids, but that's a personal choice people have to make for themselves. I worked with a guy I became good friends with and he and his wife didn't want kids. When they got married, they both got "fixed" to ensure they didn't have any accidents. Again, I can't wrap my head around it, but it was their choice and works for them. To each their own.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

We had kids a little later than many of our friends. It does change your life. But 99.999% of that stuff I don't even miss nor have any desire to return to it. I'm not sure of your age OP but if you're like me, in a few years many/most of your friends will have kids...that will change your social dynamic. Then, a few years after that, the older members of your family, probably some of which you lean on for support from time to time, will begin to leave you. It's nice to have family around. There are "challenges" to be sure but it's rewarding to help raise people up to be better people than yourself , share the world with, help around the house, and hopefully help you out in your later years.

 

[Birds Away]

Reading the news, I wish a lot of other people would have made that decision.

 

[Cemetery-man]

It's easy to go the childless route when you are young and living the seemingly fairytale lifestyle but it is later in life that people that choose this route regret their decision. I can't imagine a life of watching life from the outside looking in always wondering what it would have been like to raise children of their own and never being able the be called dad, mom, grandpa or grandma. From my personal experiences growing up in a small close-knit community, the couples that chose not to have children pretty much fell into the same pattern later in life. We all know them. The old spinster couple you were forced to visit who disliked children and just about everyone else around them. The grumpy old aunt and uncle who sat quietly in the corner isolated while the rest of the relation celebrated life and family during get-togethers. The unattended funerals that go pretty much unnoticed and people remark, "I think I remember them" as they glance over their obituary in the newspaper.

My brother and his wife just recently retired. They have everything they ever wanted since they saved so much money by not having children. They always believed that material items were the key to a full and happy lifestyle and kids were just a burden they didn't need. They are the most unhappy people you will ever meet.

 

[churchmouse]

When I met my darling wife 34 years ago I had recently survived my 2nd divorce with 3 boys from the 1st. I was dead set not to have any more children. The 1st wife was using the boys as a lever and those were most unpleasant times. Not the kids fault but my own poor choices.
My deal with my wonderful wife was no baby's and a free/easy lifestyle such as you are choosing. I was seeing the world 34 years ago as you are now. Things were falling apart in society. Well, she convinced me to have another child. I love her very much so we did. A boy. He changed my world. 3 years later a daughter.....she wrecked my world () and life has been full and rich. Look at my avatar. Those are 2 of 7 grand daughters and a great grand daughter is coming soon. I can not imagine my life with out them.

I had a friend say he was wondering where the gold was in his golden years. He had no children. He was looking at material things. I am surrounded with gold. I am rich beyond material wealth. I am surrounded with unconditional love.

Yes, they all made me crazy and still do at times. I would not have done this any differently.Once you bond with a child your life takes on a whole new perspective. Some of us rise to the task and yes it is a task. Some do not.

Parenting is the most important thing we can do in this life. We look at putting as much "Good" into this world as we can. We do that through these children.

 

[Snapdragon]

I think it's totally a person's/couple's choice whether or not to have children. The idea that every couple somehow "owes the world" their offspring, and that they are "selfish" if they don't produce children, is ridiculous. Nobody should be pressured into such a huge responsibility just because someone else feels that's the way it should be.

I am 51 now, and for my entire life, I felt like I had to explain my personal choice not to have children to every nosy ****er who asked. 99% of the time, instead of being respected, my views were met with either "You'll change your mind" or "Why do you hate kids?" Well, I don't hate kids, I haven't changed my mind, I won't change my mind, and if I did, it would be my own damn business anyway.

I really don't understand why this choice is so much different than a million other choices. Do you want to be a lawyer or a bricklayer? Would you rather drive a car or a truck? Paper or Plastic? It's just another lifestyle choice, albeit with bigger consequences than most. People have their reasons, and those reasons should be respected.

 

[Birds Away]

I think it's totally a person's/couple's choice whether or not to have children. The idea that every couple somehow "owes the world" their offspring, and that they are "selfish" if they don't produce children, is ridiculous. Nobody should be pressured into such a huge responsibility just because someone else feels that's the way it should be.

I am 51 now, and for my entire life, I felt like I had to explain my personal choice not to have children to every nosy ****er who asked. 99% of the time, instead of being respected, my views were met with either "You'll change your mind" or "Why do you hate kids?" Well, I don't hate kids, I haven't changed my mind, I won't change my mind, and if I did, it would be my own damn business anyway.

I really don't understand why this choice is so much different than a million other choices. Do you want to be a lawyer or a bricklayer? Would you rather drive a car or a truck? Paper or Plastic? It's just another lifestyle choice, albeit with bigger consequences than most. People have their reasons, and those reasons should be respected.

Unfortunately, I must spread rep around. This is truly a rep worthy post. Having children is a huge responsibility and a very personal choice. We ***** about all the bad parents we see but never hesitate to condemn those who make a different choice.

 

[churchmouse]

I think it's totally a person's/couple's choice whether or not to have children. The idea that every couple somehow "owes the world" their offspring, and that they are "selfish" if they don't produce children, is ridiculous. Nobody should be pressured into such a huge responsibility just because someone else feels that's the way it should be.

I am 51 now, and for my entire life, I felt like I had to explain my personal choice not to have children to every nosy ****er who asked. 99% of the time, instead of being respected, my views were met with either "You'll change your mind" or "Why do you hate kids?" Well, I don't hate kids, I haven't changed my mind, I won't change my mind, and if I did, it would be my own damn business anyway.

I really don't understand why this choice is so much different than a million other choices. Do you want to be a lawyer or a bricklayer? Would you rather drive a car or a truck? Paper or Plastic? It's just another lifestyle choice, albeit with bigger consequences than most. People have their reasons, and those reasons should be respected.

I respect your choice. It is your's and no one else's.
My post was from my perspective. I understand yours.

 

[churchmouse]

Unfortunately, I must spread rep around. This is truly a rep worthy post. Having children is a huge responsibility and a very personal choice. We ***** about all the bad parents we see but never hesitate to condemn those who make a different choice.

I represented you sir.