Official INGO Joke Thread

[CathyInBlue]

Just keep `em clean, `kay?

First joke:

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer (all guys) are given a problem to solve.

"If you can cross this room to that lovely lady on the other side, you get to kiss her, but you can only cross the room by halving the distance between you and her at each step."

The mathematician crunches the numbers, realizes it's impossible, and gives up.

The physicist performs a couple of steps, analyzes the experimental data, realizes it's impossible, and gives up.

The engineer crunches the numbers, realizes eventually he'll get "close enough for all practical purposes," and gets the kiss.

 

[mk2ja]

https://www.indianagunowners.com/forums/break_room/25172-ingo_joke_of_the_day_page.html

 

[pmorriso]

Cesar Romero, Jack Nicholson, and Heath Ledger

 

[jkfletcher]

Cesar Romero, Jack Nicholson, and Heath Ledger

No...that belongs in the jokeR thread

 

[CathyInBlue]

https://www.indianagunowners.com/forums/break_room/25172-ingo_joke_of_the_day_page.html

Doesn't show up in a search for "joke of the day".

https://www.indianagunowners.com/forums/search.php?searchid=7413740

 

[EvilBlackGun]

1953, Algebra class, Prof. Sparrow.

Heard it before. Even before computers.

No...that belongs in the jokeR thread

 

[ATM]

Doesn't show up in a search for "joke of the day".

https://www.indianagunowners.com/forums/search.php?searchid=7413740

Perhaps the search engine not finding it is the joke of the day.

 

[EvilBlackGun]

Three parrots

Guy walks into a pet store to buy a kitten. Notices a pair of nice docile parrots and asks the shop-owner what it is they're doing, "O, I got them from a deceased priest's estate; all they do is say their beads all day long." "Hmmm, O.K." Lady walks into a pet-store: "I don't WANT this parrot! All she says all day long is, "Hey Baby wanna (XX) "kiss" me?!" It belonged to my late husband who trained it to say that ." "O.K. I'll try to sell her for you." Puts the gal parrot into the cage with the 2 guy parrots, and immediately she starts, "Hey Baby wanna (XX) "kiss" me? Hey Baby wanna (XX) "kiss" me?" Two guy parrots drop their beads and both squawk, "OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED???"

 

[Boonl1776]

A German flies into Paris DeGaulle airport.
While clearing French customs, the agent asks him: Occupation?
The German replies: No, just vacation.

 

[EvilBlackGun]

Space joke

Earthlings had found and settled on an earth-like planet that was inhabited by hermaphrodites, who seemed O.K. with the visitors, but never responded to any attempts of the earthies to communicate with them. One spaceman tried really hard one long day, but got no-where, and threw up his hands with the remark, "O, go EF yourself !!" Which was the very greeting that all the hermaphrodites used with one another, and the communications took off after that! So, do you have any hermaphrodite friends?

 

[EvilBlackGun]

Chinese rat-fink poison

Rats

A tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco . While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, "How much for the bronze rat ?" "Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story" said the wise old Chinaman.

The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."

As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.

A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.

Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay .

Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.

Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown .

"Ahhh," said the owner, "You come back for story ?"

"No sir," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze
DEMOCRAT."

 

[Doug]

Henny Youngman died and went to heaven.
St. Peter said, "Glad you're here. Take over for me; I need a bathroom break."
While Henny was standing there, a Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and a Presbyterian Minister all walk up to the Pearly Gates together.
Henny says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"

 

[Hohn]

Perhaps the search engine not finding it is the joke of the day.

Most forum search engines ARE the jokes of the day....

 

[THard6]

I was going to tell you all a ghey joke.. butt screw it.

 

[THard6]

cops are like diapers.. they're always on your ass and almost always full of ****!

 

[ATM]

..."Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story" said the wise old Chinaman.

I know that story.

 

[Redtbird]

Gun Buy Backs...

Participating in a gun buy back because you believe that the criminals have too many guns is like having yourself castrated because you believe that the neighbors have too many kids.

 

[mk2ja]

Really. We're seriously going to continue posting in two separate official joke threads? Can a mod maybe merge these?