Why are parents spineless these days?

[Mosinguy]

My little half sister literally can get away with anything. Back talking, disrespectful to everyone, not doing what she's told, running around the house screaming, going hours and hours agitating everyone, and will never listen to any instructions someone gives her. My parents (dad and stepmom really) don't ever discipline her and now she's learned to become a good actor so when she does get into trouble that is so bad they'll discipline her she can blame it on me (she's 10). In fact if she acts up they'll give her snacks and buy stuff for her to get her to act normal. This seems to be the norm with a lot of kids my age and younger now.

What's up with parents these days? Are they just giving up and being passive so they don't have to deal with their own creations? Does anyone else think this might bite society in general in the butt in due time? I can't say I was given much discipline at all but I never needed it since I kept to myself but still I'm just glad I'm never having kids, seeing how nasty lots of kids are to people these days at school and in public.

 

[Mackey]

Maybe this is getting more common, but not among the parents I personally know and certainly not in my house.

It's a good thing your parents didn't give up on the world and decide not to have kids, huh?

 

[JustAMom]

Each child is different, and how a parent deals with them, changes with each one. You can't begin to understand the dynamics of Parenthood, without going though it! Also, remember, your parents are human beings. We as humans make mistakes. I think that being a GOOD parent, is the hardest job there is!

#1 - When did she become your step-mother? - her way of parenting, will be very different then your fathers way of parenting when he was with someone else, or alone.

#2 - How old are you? - If you are over 18, I seriously doubt that you can objectivly recall how you acted at age 10.

Me - I have 3 sons
16 year old high school Jr. - D
14 year old high school sophomore - T
8 year old Third grader - R


That being said, I feel that kids are out of control these days. I see D (16) get frustrated with what he thinks R my youngest "gets away with." Truth is, D was a very different kid then R is now. D also can't look back 8 years ago, and objectivly look at how he acted.

Even between D & T - they are VERY different people. My expectations are also very different. I can only remember having to spank D two times. It hurt him more if I was dissapointed in him. Now T - it would be easier to count the days that I didn't have to spank him.

NOW - I don't know your parents, but I think you should call them up, and thank them, that they made you a prductive part of society, instead of judginng them on doing a "job" that you, yourself, are never willing to do.

 

[Mosinguy]

Each child is different, and how a parent deals with them, changes with each one. You can't begin to understand the dynamics of Parenthood, without going though it! Also, remember, your parents are human beings. We as humans make mistakes. I think that being a GOOD parent, is the hardest job there is!

#1 - When did she become your step-mother? - her way of parenting, will be very different then your fathers way of parenting when he was with someone else, or alone.

#2 - How old are you? - If you are over 18, I seriously doubt that you can objectivly recall how you acted at age 10.

Me - I have 3 sons
16 year old high school Jr. - D
14 year old high school sophomore - T
8 year old Third grader - R


That being said, I feel that kids are out of control these days. I see D (16) get frustrated with what he thinks R my youngest "gets away with." Truth is, D was a very different kid then R is now. D also can't look back 8 years ago, and objectivly look at how he acted.

Even between D & T - they are VERY different people. My expectations are also very different. I can only remember having to spank D two times. It hurt him more if I was dissapointed in him. Now T - it would be easier to count the days that I didn't have to spank him.

NOW - I don't know your parents, but I think you should call them up, and thank them, that they made you a prductive part of society, instead of judginng them on doing a "job" that you, yourself, are never willing to do.

I'm 16. I'd wager I act worse now only because these days I actually talk, and that's saying something considering I don't get in trouble.

 

[JustAMom]

Dude - you are 16. You are in high school, dealing with a bratty, annoying, socially inept 4th or 5th grader. 10 year olds act out like you mentioned. I think that your parents are doing the best job that they can.

Right now, you are the put upon older brother, that didn't get treated half as well as your sister, but truth is....If you focus on the things you do have, like an internet connection, a computer, and freedom to surf the net at 2 am - instead of how your parents should be stricter with your sister, you may have a little more positive attitude.

 

[Mr.JAG]

I recently visited my mother, who has a 5 year old son. To put that into perspective, I'm 27 and have been out on my own for nearly 10 years. She had one of those mid-life "flings" that resulted in doing the whole "parenthood" thing over again.

Let me tell you, that has been an eye opener for me. That kid is out of control - but I won't blame my mother for it. I know I turned out to be a self sufficient productive member of society, so I know she did her part when I was younger. What I did figure out though, is that I am NOT ready to have children... and if nothing life altering happens to me - I never will be. Just not a job I have the energy or patience for.

 

[j706]

In law enforcement we are often dispatched on calls for parents that cannot or will not parent. Things like out of control 9 year old ect. Totally disgusting IMO. It is pretty hard to have any respect at all for a grown adult that can't control a child. But it is quite common. This will be our new generation!!

 

[Mosinguy]

Now, don't get me wrong guys, I'm not calling my parents spineless because they have done a lot for me, but my real mom is a prime example of a parent that wants to be a friend instead of a parent. And I'm not angry my little sister gets away with things, I'm more afraid of how she'll act growing up. She won't be able to function properly in society if she keeps this up and it just seems my dad and step mom are reinforcing her bad behaviors by rewarding it.

 

[Mosinguy]

Right now, you are the put upon older brother, that didn't get treated half as well as your sister, but truth is....If you focus on the things you do have, like an internet connection, a computer, and freedom to surf the net at 2 am - instead of how your parents should be stricter with your sister, you may have a little more positive attitude.

Not quite...I'm not jealous of her, but I sure am tired of her being able to do whatever she wants no matter how bad it is and get rewarded for it. Seems counter intuitive to parenting.

 

[donballz]

I would have never guessed you were 16. You certainly don't act/write like it.

How did you turn out ok? Did your parents forget how to parent in the 6 intervening years?

 

[Mosinguy]

I would have never guessed you were 16. You certainly don't act/write like it.

How did you turn out ok? Did your parents forget how to parent in the 6 intervening years?

Anything I read here unless gun related I read in purple automatically. Did you really mean that?

Honestly, I knew with two other siblings that were messed up, I should be the one no one has to worry about. Kids suck and I know that. Might as well make it easy for my dad, step mom, and mom. Figured that out a loooooong time ago and practice strict self discipline.

 

[JustAMom]

There are plenty of people that SHOULD NOT be parents!!! I can totally agree with that! Some of the stuff I see, in WalMart alone, is enough to make me sick.

I have met one person in my whole life, that said that they had an awesome childhood, and parents. So it is really rare, to meet someone that doesn't have ANY problems with the way some people parent.

 

[Hoosierdood]

Kids are all different. I have 4. Even the difference between oldest (usually more responsible) and youngest (gets away with everything). However, we live in a society that frowns on discipline. I sometimes discipline with spanking, but I have to be careful not to do that in public because someone may get offended and call CPS on me. The result - many parents don't discipline because they are afraid to.

Also, our society encourages parents to "let the children develop their own personality". Interpreted - discipline somehow scars them mentally, not allowing them to develop properly. I have seen parents put their kid in a "time out" and the kid just stands there screaming at the top of their lungs. I think to myself - that kid needs a whoopin'. Kids need to be taught that there are consequences to their actions. Why do we have hoodlums running around stealing and getting shot, while their mommy says "Johnny was a good kid"? Answer - their parents never taught them about consequences.

Another reason - parents are too selfish. I know that it is in my kids best interest to learn that there are consequences to their actions. It is in their best interest that I discipline them. Do I like disciplining them? Heck no! Many parents choose not to discipline because it makes them feel bad. But they are just being selfish, because they are putting their own feelings above what is necessary to train their child. Raising kids is tough. You have to be determined to do what is right for your kid, even if it makes you feel bad. Many parents just take the easy way out.

Consistency is another one. My kids know that when I say Stop, or Be Quiet - I mean it. I try to be consistent in my discipline no matter how big or small the offence. Many kids keep doing what they are doing because they know the parents won't follow through.

Oh, and kids are smart! They figure the parents out pretty quick.

 

[Que]

My little half sister literally can get away with anything. Back talking, disrespectful to everyone, not doing what she's told, running around the house screaming, going hours and hours agitating everyone, and will never listen to any instructions someone gives her. My parents (dad and stepmom really) don't ever discipline her and now she's learned to become a good actor so when she does get into trouble that is so bad they'll discipline her she can blame it on me (she's 10). In fact if she acts up they'll give her snacks and buy stuff for her to get her to act normal. This seems to be the norm with a lot of kids my age and younger now.

I think the overarching issue is with blended families. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it, but I grew up with five other brothers and sisters, but my father took responsibility and raised all of us as his own. There was no, my children, your children, just our children.

Physical discipline is not necessary with all children, but boundaries are certainly needed. It sounds like someone is not providing your sister with any limitations, but that's the opinion of someone on the outside with only one part of the story.

Make sure you are acting like an older brother and not the kind of brother that people will even consider he accusations to be true. It sounds like you are known to do things, especially since she can blame you and be believed.

 

[Bapak2ja]

Just a suggestion: Try reading this text.

Christianbook.com: The New Dare to Discipline: Dr. James Dobson: 9780842305068

I used these principles in raising my kids. First born is a professional engineer (structural) and Army National Guard vet. Honorable man.

Youngest is a second Lieutenant in the USMC. Good man.

My daughter was an excellent wife and mother until her death.

Point is, the principles work. Reading this text will help you understand what is happening with your sister. It will help you understand how the problems can be addressed and, hopefully, alleviated. You will then be able to make some suggestions to your parents about how to improve the situation. You will have to be careful to avoid the "smart alex" or "know it all" attitude, but quiet suggestions might be well received.

If all else fails, given them a copy for Christmas. :-)

Dobson comes from a very specific religious perspective (which I recommend), but the principles for guiding a child to maturity are valid within any worldview. The foundational elements are:

1. A loving father present in the home.
2. Reasonable behavior guidelines clearly, quietly explained and consistently enforced.
3. Consistent demonstration of love for the child while demanding adherence to the established guidelines.
4. If the child chooses to willfully violate known guidelines, i.e. outright challenge of the parent's authority with a "You can't make me" attitude, respond with loving, controlled, not angry, application of the board of education to the seat of learning.

It works. At the very least, you will learn how to be a good parent your self. Some day in the future you will have a child—either by intent or by accident. When that happens, it is your job to father that child—yours alone. Based on your writings on INGO you have made a good start. Stay the course. Our nation must have wise parents and wise sons in the next generation if it is to long endure. Look beyond your own generation and comfort. America will need children raised with discipline to lead it in the next generation. You have a chance now to change both your own generation and the one to come. That is an awesome responsibility, but you have already demonstrated that you are up to the challenge, if you decide to accept it.

 

[JetGirl]

The dilemma of parents today;
If your kid is a brat and needs disciplined, you are a horrible parent for not disciplining them!
If your kid is a brat and needs disciplined, you are a horrible parent for disciplining them!

Kid turned out bad? Your fault because you never spanked them.
Kid turned out bad? Your fault because you spanked them.

Kid acting up in the store? OMG spank that brat, you horrible spineless parent!
Kid acting up in the store? OMG if you spank that brat, I'll call 911 & CPS on you!

Get the gist?

Personally,
My kid was a trouper and never gave me fits in stores or restaurants. I dragged her everywhere...she just knew what was expected "Or else". Although I did smack a butt as a last resort for some things, I used tactics that worked better first. Things that REALLY hurt...like no going to the park, or no TV, or no playdates over...stuff like that.

Age appropriate punishment stuff.

When she was about 13 or so, one time she absolutely refused to make her bed and *started* to throw a fit... so I yanked the sheets off and threw them in the washer filling with water.
Hmm...now she had to do the whole thing from scratch with another set or *shrug* have none at all *shrug*.
Didn't take long to realize obeying the first time was way easier.

 

[indyjs]

t's TV

 

[88GT]

My little half sister literally can get away with anything. Back talking, disrespectful to everyone, not doing what she's told, running around the house screaming, going hours and hours agitating everyone, and will never listen to any instructions someone gives her. My parents (dad and stepmom really) don't ever discipline her and now she's learned to become a good actor so when she does get into trouble that is so bad they'll discipline her she can blame it on me (she's 10). In fact if she acts up they'll give her snacks and buy stuff for her to get her to act normal. This seems to be the norm with a lot of kids my age and younger now.

What's up with parents these days? Are they just giving up and being passive so they don't have to deal with their own creations? Does anyone else think this might bite society in general in the butt in due time? I can't say I was given much discipline at all but I never needed it since I kept to myself but still I'm just glad I'm never having kids, seeing how nasty lots of kids are to people these days at school and in public.

Revisit this thread when you're a parent and tell us what you think.

 

[NYFelon]

In law enforcement we are often dispatched on calls for parents that cannot or will not parent. Things like out of control 9 year old ect. Totally disgusting IMO. It is pretty hard to have any respect at all for a grown adult that can't control a child. But it is quite common. This will be our new generation!!

How do you keep from punching them in the face? Seriously. I can't ever even imagine being so inept, or having a child so rambunctious I had to even threaten to, let alone actually call, the police. Crikey, I only have to give my son "the look" or say his name "that way" and all shenanigans come to an immediate halt.

Therein lies the problem. Fifteen minutes to make 'em, 18 years for retards to screw 'em up. Ay yai yai.

 

[Yup!]

Fifteen minutes to make 'em, .........

Go gem em tiger!