Military BS Stories or the last liar wins.

[Alamo]

 

[actaeon277]

Met a Vet today that flew B-57s



He was also the first person I ever met, that knew who my sub was named for when I told him the sub name.
I was impressed.

 

[KellyinAvon]

2 ID HQ Korea 1998 SSG/E-6 Brad was in the HQ PLT. So I was basically manpower in a PLT that has the CG in it. I was the assistant NCOIC of the jump TOC. We moved to select locations and if the main TOC was hit the CG would jump to us. We were self contained with M113’s and M577 command vehicles.

We practiced at least monthly and often stayed in the field for weeks. We were fully staffed with the back up team reason being if the main TOC was hit you cannot transport everyone.

War game from the pentagon they killed the CG the ADC (M) BG and the ADC (S) BG. We had a S3 Col that took over I was told to go do LZ operations made contact all the LZ stuff popping smoke. It was a CH-53 strange the Army doesn’t use them.

It landed US marines on the side. 20 or so people climbed out. MG was a Marine and the BG was Air Force. They took charge I did not know that all General officers are basically interchangeable.

I understood MOST of this.

It reminded me that I have this:

Back in 2005 I was at CENTAF FWD at the Deid. I was working AFFOR/A1M out of the CAOC Compound. I was the CENTAF FWD/A1M POC for the OIF PID; my partner Rob worked the OEF PID. Our boss was dual-hatted as A1M and Deputy A1 FWD. That got a little confusing since all three of us in A1M were Blue; the A1 FWD was Purple since he was CENTCOM, not CENTAF.

One day I got a SIPRNET e-mail from the PERSCO OIC at BIAP. They had a 2A-type out of the 18th Wing show up and they had no idea where he was supposed to go. I did some research since we had a lot of ILO (later known as JET) taskings showing up with some sketchy info loaded in the DRMD. Don't even get me started on the 1C5 who was in North Carolina on the DRMD but showed up at the 332 AEW; or the HOA (JTF-Horn Of Africa) PJs who were 6 months past their return date and the ANG/CRO who nearly caused an international incident.

He wasn’t going to any of the Dets under the 732d out of BaIad. I figured the guy would be going to the MNF-I ACCE Team or maybe MNSTC-I. Come to find out, he was going to NTMI working directly for the J4. We didn’t even know NATO was in this AOR!!

 

[Nazgul]

For act:


Don

 

[2A_Tom]

Act... ual photo of US sub.

 

[KellyinAvon]

2005: young USAF SMSgt KellyinAvon is at Al Udeid Air Base, Qatar. I was working out of the CAOC (Combined Air Operations Center) but Al Udeid hosted the 379th Air Expeditionary Wing (AEW) which at the time was the largest base in the AOR. A lot of heavies flew out of the Deid (C-130s, KC-135s, JSTARS, weird C-135 variants that did weird classified missions, etc.) There was one MSgt at the 379 AEW who was in my career field, so the three of us who worked in the CENTAF Forward Manpower shop helped him out when we could. Mostly it was getting the right career field mix in the different workcenters around the base.

So one day the three of us from CENTAF Forward and the 379th AEW Manpower guy are in the Mission Support Group Commander's (MSG/CC) office. We were briefing him on what we'd found and what we were doing going forward, etc. One thing we found, there was so many different functions there that you wouldn't come accross anywhere else, like the regional K-9 kennel and the theater-wide repair facility for EOD robots.

After we got done with the official stuff, the MSG/CC was talking about a new regional organization on base supporting the TACPs and ALOs (Tactical Air Control Party, Enlisted troops who call in close air Support (CAS) and Air Liason Officers (officers who call in CAS.)

The MSG/CC was talking about these guys in his office, talking about getting no support from the 379 AEW. He said he listened to them for a while then asked, "Who are you?" Come to find out these guys just showed up, found the end of a hanger that wasn't being used and moved in.

I can't remember where they were supposed to be, but once we got them actually being at Al Udeid things went much better.

 

[Alamo]

Um …

 

[actaeon277]

Um …

View attachment 382736

We don't have any bullets.

Don't worry, we'll photoshop one in later.

 

[Brad69]

Kelly,

Did the AF screw up as bad as the Army assigning the wrong MOS to do a job?

So on my last deployment we had a team slot for a E-7 S2 intelligence guy as an add on. They assigned a satellite imagery dude. Yes he’s in the intelligence branch but we needed a regular intel guy.

This cat had absolutely no experience in the real Army. He was assigned to Ft. Mead for like 10 years and in NATO headquarters.

Dude was a complete nerd had every cool guy tactical thing you could think of acted real gung ho and out of shape sweaty all the time. Oh and no Combat patch it was 2010 even PVT’s had Combat patches.

Two days in Afghanistan we got shot at nothing big shot back nobody hit nothing damaged. Not our job to fight called it in and moved on.

Dude broke down full meltdown like a two year old saying crap like they wanted to kill me. Yeah that’s why your here.

Dropped him off at a Combat Outpost he took the resupply bird to Bargam AB. Never to be seen again I bet he tells some great stories.

 

[KellyinAvon]

Kelly,

Did the AF screw up as bad as the Army assigning the wrong MOS to do a job?

So on my last deployment we had a team slot for a E-7 S2 intelligence guy as an add on. They assigned a satellite imagery dude. Yes he’s in the intelligence branch but we needed a regular intel guy.

This cat had absolutely no experience in the real Army. He was assigned to Ft. Mead for like 10 years and in NATO headquarters.

Dude was a complete nerd had every cool guy tactical thing you could think of acted real gung ho and out of shape sweaty all the time. Oh and no Combat patch it was 2010 even PVT’s had Combat patches.

Two days in Afghanistan we got shot at nothing big shot back nobody hit nothing damaged. Not our job to fight called it in and moved on.

Dude broke down full meltdown like a two year old saying crap like they wanted to kill me. Yeah that’s why your here.

Dropped him off at a Combat Outpost he took the resupply bird to Bargam AB. Never to be seen again I bet he tells some great stories.

I have several, more to follow.

 

[KellyinAvon]

People who were allegedly in my career field (9th Air Force at Shaw, nuff said) did this.

When the in-lieu of (ILO, later JET) taskings started coming in for USAF to start running convoy security in 2004, the people allegedly in my career field didn't bother to find out about the Army MOS the Blue Suiters would be replacing.

Transportation Operations and Vehicle Maintenance are two different Air Force Specialty Codes (AFSCs) in the USAF so they loaded up the positions as all operators and no maintenance.

Convoy security of course involves vehicles with M60s, M240s, Ma Deuce, etc. Big Blue has a career field that shoots all of those and it ain't Transportation Ops, it's Secuity Forces (AKA Air Force Cops.)

There was a Detachment of these guys at Camp Speicher outside Tikrit. When my boss had a medical emergency on a C-130 we ended up there and somebody reached out to them to go find us at the hospital. They had a phone that you could actually use to call Qatar (228th CSH did not.) After using the phone and looking at the weapons on the wall (most were acquired by trading candy bars for them) which included a .455 Webley and a Walther PPK, I started asking questions about who worked there since I am a Manpower Analyst plus I knew their Chief (didn't know he was there until I saw his name on the sign) so I had a good in.

First question: how many Cops do you have assigned. None. Back at l Udeid the Cops were running speed/stop sign traps in quad-cab F150s with 4 Cops in them.

At some point the USAF Cop functional managers at 9th Air Force stopped returning my calls and replying to my emails.

Most agregeous one coming later, pre-911.

 

[Alamo]

We don't have any bullets.

Don't worry, we'll photoshop one in later.

There are people on X saying it’s an ejected case that was caught at just the right moment, but I have my doubts.

 

[Doug]

There are people on X saying it’s an ejected case that was caught at just the right moment, but I have my doubts.

I've seen this before.

I think I saved that from an INGO post.

 

[actaeon277]

There are people on X saying it’s an ejected case that was caught at just the right moment, but I have my doubts.

I also have my doubts.
Seems kinda forward for that.

 

[KellyinAvon]

There are people on X saying it’s an ejected case that was caught at just the right moment, but I have my doubts.

If it bounced off the photographer, I could see that. Being ejected? Nope!

 

[Alamo]

Which reminds me, not really military related, but comes to mind. Well it does involve a military grade firearm as our forefather’s intended.

I go to this outdoor range, has only a few stations. Couple guys huddled over some sandbagged rifle at the nearest end, no one else at the line, so I go to the far end, put max distance between us, 20 feet or so to my right.

I wait until they’re ready to change targets, then we all go down range and set new targets, mine is a silhouette, return to the line. Everybody ready.

One of them hunkers down and slowly squeezes off a shot. Launches another one while I’m unlimbering my Romanian WASR Kalashnikov pattern weapon of mass destruction and some loaded magazines I wanted to test.

Mag locked, range clear of intruders, nobody sneaking up on me, shoulder, safety off, run the bolt, Aim…

BANG-BANG
BANG-BANG
BANG-BANG
BANG-BANG
BANG-BANG

Hey, I like double taps.

I pause, lay rifle down, grab my binos, all rounds in the chest, pleased they are in close pairs … and happen to glance at the other guys.

Both are glaring at me.

Then I notice all the steel cases laying around them, on the bench among their stuff and at their feet.

When Comrade Kalashnikov designed his contribution to the Motherland, reliability was a leading design goal, and one element was making sure that expended case is yanked out of the chamber no matter what. No adjustable gas blocks or other flimflammery, just use all that wonderful gas pressure clear the chamber and hurl that case away. So what if it wears out faster, that’s why we make a million of them.

I wish I had a video of it, all those steel cases pelting them like hail.

I offered to switch stations with them, but they just kind of grumbled that they were almost done, so I waited while they fired a couple more rounds and then they packed up and left.

99% of my shooting in those days was on a private range with some other guys who also had AK’s and we were used to being pelted with cases. Or in my backyard where it didn’t matter. Never thought about it much until I visited that range.