Grave marker question

[phylodog]

My wife's grandmother passed away several years ago. My wife's sperm donor father decided he couldn't be bothered with the expense of honoring her with a grave marker. My wife and her sister would like to pay to have one installed but they were told by the cemetery that only the next of kin could do that.

We would prefer to have no contact whatsoever with him as it will absolutely not go well. I was wondering if anyone here knows if that is a law or might be the policy of the cemetery? Either way, would there be a lawful way around it? Could we petition a court to grant permission since the next of kin obviously isn't going to do it?

 

[MACHINEGUN]

That's insane, why should it matter who pays for it?

Do they not like money? I thought everyone liked money!

I hope you figure something out.. this is beyond wrong!

 

[Scutter01]

I don't know if it's a law or not but I could easily see the cemetery not wanting to get in the middle of a family squabble over the grave marker. Seems safer (for them) to simply say "next of kin".

 

[phylodog]

I don't know if it's a law or not but I could easily see the cemetery not wanting to get in the middle of a family squabble over the grave marker. Seems safer (for them) to simply say "next of kin".

I agree and I'd understand whether it's law or policy. I'm just hoping we may be able to petition a court to allow it.

 

[dubsac]

Just take out the father seems like the easiest way. J/k in all seriousness I don't believe there is a law, it's up to the cemetery.

 

[WhitleyStu]

Remember that a plot is bought so the owner of the plot (who ever that may be) has the right to decide what goes on the plot. I hope you find a positive out come with your relative.

 

[hooky]

A coworker was killed by her ex in 2001. In 03, a bunch of of us threw in $ to put up a headstone since her kids hadn't, despite a large insurance settlement. The money is still sitting in a trust and there is not a stone in place. Her grown kids are blocking it because they can't decide on anything. I think you're gonna have to interact.

 

[Cemetery-man]

Most cemeteries have no control over monument purchase. Monuments/foundations are contracted by the purchaser with private outside companies. The only control we have is to make sure the monument is placed in the proper location and adheres to city & cemetery ordinances. We have absolutely no knowledge or interest of who actually purchased the monument.

Of course private cemeteries can make their own rules and many sell monuments giving them total control over sales and installation.

 

[red_zr24x4]

When I was younger, My mom and sisters bought a grave marker for my Step Dad's first wife. They surprised him with it either on their (step dad and first wife's) anniversary or her birthday. I would go to a monument seller and get info on what is involved.

 

[williamsburg]

Similar situation as yours.
My step sons wanted to replace a stone that is on thier fathers grave. The cemetery (Washington Park East) said that who ever owns the plot is the only one that can make any changes as such. The plot is a 'family plot' so the grandfather owns it.So according to them only the owner can authorize changes.

*This was told to us as being the law due to it being owned and deeded property.


Hope all works out for you.

 

[indyjs]

My wife put one on her grandparents grave. No problem

 

[ArmedProgrammer]

My wife's grandmother passed away several years ago. My wife's sperm donor father decided he couldn't be bothered with the expense of honoring her with a grave marker. My wife and her sister would like to pay to have one installed but they were told by the cemetery that only the next of kin could do that.

We would prefer to have no contact whatsoever with him as it will absolutely not go well. I was wondering if anyone here knows if that is a law or might be the policy of the cemetery? Either way, would there be a lawful way around it? Could we petition a court to grant permission since the next of kin obviously isn't going to do it?

Is there NO ONE in the family that can talk to the man? Agree with hooky, that contact(carefully thought out and done) seems to be the best way.

 

[phylodog]

Thank you everyone for the insight. No one in the family talks to him. He is a prick of the highest order and I keep clear of him for fear of ending up in jail myself. I told my wife to try sending a certified letter to him with a pre written authorization that he could sign. Problem there is he would have to have it notarized and that's probably 10 times more effort than the douche is willing to put out. Maybe I'll tell her to include an offer of $50 if he signs it, has it notarized and mails it back.

 

[handgun]

She is next of kin right..
Wink wink

 

[Davegrave]

I understand the policy. I'd guess it cut's back on headstones that say "Here lies my miserable uncle Rick who molested me every day of my life until I turned 13" or likewise.

I'd need to get some kind of living will made up so no one in my family wastes one penny on my corpse. I need to make sure none of this is ever an issue for my kin.

 

[ArmedProgrammer]

Thank you everyone for the insight. No one in the family talks to him. He is a prick of the highest order and I keep clear of him for fear of ending up in jail myself. I told my wife to try sending a certified letter to him with a pre written authorization that he could sign. Problem there is he would have to have it notarized and that's probably 10 times more effort than the douche is willing to put out. Maybe I'll tell her to include an offer of $50 if he signs it, has it notarized and mails it back.

Dang phylodog, I'm sorry to hear that. Is it that he hates everyone, or that he doesn't care enough to exert the effort? I guess that I'd suggest to handle the situation differently depending on what his motivations (or lack thereof) were. If it's laziness (or don't care) - then it's a matter of making it as easy as possible. Is anyone in the family or a friend of his a notary? All they have to do is see him sign the paper... etc. If it's animosity - it's likely directly most closely at certain folks, right? Maybe find the easiest people to get along with to do the talking. If it's both, mark the grave with flowers and then wait for him to die.

That sucks, and is a pathetic statement on the relationship of things when something like that can't be discussed, but it may be all that you can reasonably do.

 

[phylodog]

He's just a piece of crap. It's a combination of greed and not caring I suspect. I've only been around the man one time and he made my skin crawl.

 

[Suprtek]

So does he actually own the plot?