Getting Tested

[Benny]

Basically breaking it down like this benny... guy cant have kids, feels he is being unsuccessful in husband roles because he can't be a father, me explaining that I understand how he may feel about raising a child that is not his, and expressing that a father is not a biological act so much as it standing up and taking responsibility of an adorable child that calls you daddy. Then VaGriller trolled a bit, i blew my top that was already boiling, sent a pm to scutter, feel a little better for some of the comments made, feeling worse because I misdirected my anger so poorly, and now trying to explain the ramblings of I.

OK, so you do have friends that can't conceive a child and you are trying to get the husband to understand that just because he isn't the "sperm donor" doesn't mean he can't be the Father...And you are using personal experience with this because you are the Father of a child that doesn't match your DNA?

Sorry if these questions are obvious, but I was(maybe still am?) completely lost.

 

[snowman46919]

OK, so you do have friends that can't conceive a child and you are trying to get the husband to understand that just because he isn't the "sperm donor" doesn't mean he can't be the Father...And you are using personal experience with this because you are the Father of a child that doesn't match your DNA?

Sorry if these questions are obvious, but I was(maybe still am?) completely lost.

yes I am using personal experience on that one, and dont apologize.

 

[Pami]

FWIW, our daughter is biologically my sister's daughter (we're adopting her). My sister was about 12 weeks pregnant when we made the decision to adopt her baby, so we all had some time to come to terms with what exactly our relationship was going to be like afterward. We know who the biological father is, and he is also aware he is the father. That said, all four of us still have a great relationship, and if anything, it's brought us closer together. Lars and I absolutely feel like "real" parents, and we get all gooey inside any time she yells out "Daddy!" (We're still working on "Mommy"). My sister gets sad sometimes when our daughter won't go to her or prefers to be in our laps instead of hers when we're visiting, but other than that, she completely sees her as her niece, not her daughter.

I tell you all of this, snowman, for a specific reason: your relationship with your friends WILL change; whether it's good or bad is up to you. Be very careful to have everything planned out and discussed in advance (especially since you can talk about it before conception actually happens!). What will you tell the child about his parentage? WHEN will you tell him? Will you have visitation rights? Will you want them? Etc., etc. These are all things that you need to discuss and be on the same page with your friends on.

For your friend who might feel like "less of a man" ... I don't think Lars had that specific concern, but he did feel like he wouldn't be able to bond with our daughter or be all gooey-lovey-dovey with her, but I assure you, that all changed the moment she was born. It was literally love at first sight, and he is the best father I could have ever hoped for (or better, if that's possible).

 

[Benny]

yes I am using personal experience on that one, and dont apologize.

Thanks for clarifying...Now I'm on track and can post without questions.




I think this is quite needless to say, but let me say it anyway: There is a huge difference between a sperm donor and a Father.

While I can't speak from first hand experience, I have a friend in a somewhat similar situation as yours.

(When I say "similar" situation, I'm just generalizing because I have no idea of the entire back-story for yours...I know these situations have PLENTY of differences)

Preston(one of my best friends) is raising a little baby girl that isn't his...Preston and Kara(no, not my Kara) met when Kara was ~a week/2 weeks pregnant(she didn't know at the time). Well, they both went through the entire pregnancy together, thinking the baby is Preston's and when Gabby was born it was quite apparent it wasn't his...A paternity test wasn't even necessary.

I'd be lying to you if I said I didn't think it was a bit weird at first, but after way I see him look at that beautiful baby girl it all makes sense now.

+1 to you for manning up and making a positive difference in your child's life.



BTW, -1 to vagriller...I'd like to post what I really want to say about him, but Scutter already issued a warning, so I'll refrain.

 

[Rookie]

DNA has absolutely nothing to do with being a dad. Anyone can be a father, not everyone is a dad. One pet peeve of mine is the whole step child thing. I don't care about the details, Either they're your child or they're not.

I have four children. My oldest is 22. I'll be 37 this year. Do the math. I'm not her father, but I will always be her dad.

 

[Rookie]

Btw, what Benny said is basically the same. I just feel that "dad" is more personal..

 

[Benny]

DNA has absolutely nothing to do with being a dad. Anyone can be a father, not everyone is a dad. One pet peeve of mine is the whole step child thing. I don't care about the details, Either they're your child or they're not.

I have four children. My oldest is 22. I'll be 37 this year. Do the math. I'm not her father, but I will always be her dad.

Btw, what Benny said is basically the same. I just feel that "dad" is more personal..

Eh, I hear you..."Dad" is probably a better term(that's what my son calls me), but I've always used the term "sperm donor" to decipher them(ie sperm donor =/= Dad/Father.

 

[ljadayton]

Still waiting on an answer.

He said it'd be AI

 

[mcolford]

Im gonna throw my 2 cents in...

My wife has a "real father" hes a ****ing puke, who she hasnt seen in 15 years, her stepdad is the man, he came in to my mother in laws life, stepped up to the plate, and helped with raising my wife and her sister. They call him dad, he IS their dad. I have so much respect for him, its unreal. Granted the girls are 25 and 27 now, and they know he isnt the blood father, but he provided the love, the guidance, the finances, the time. HE is their dad.

I can see your friend's point and concern, granted I havent been in that situation, but I can see it. I guess this is something you all need to sit down and talk about ultimately.

Like others have said though, the "dad" is the one that is there for the child, from putting on bandaids, taking them to karate, helping with homework, and soforth. A dad provides the love and care.

-MColford

 

[rmabrey]

Im not going to read through the entire thread to see if you got your answer but this is how it works. You go to a local health department that does testing, answer questions etc etc. they draw blood to test for syphilis, HIV etc.

They used to shove this long qtip like object down your penis, which is not comfortable at all, TRUST ME. But now I believe they just take a urine sample at most places.

Good luck

 

[snowman46919]

Who had fun in college my oldest was two and we were all but married

 

[ljadayton]

Who had fun in college my oldest was two and we were all but married

I didn't even go to collegeb

 

[snowman46919]

You didn't miss anything all I got was debt

 

[ljadayton]

You didn't miss anything all I got was debt

Didn't figure I did. The job I do, a degree means nothing on my paycheck. I thought about going to WGU online to get a business degree but it wouldn't necessarily pay for itself. I'm promotable to Assistant Store Manager when there's an opening. All without a degree

 

[snowman46919]

I'm first inline for either manager or vp of operations with just certifications and hard work I dropped out of college

 

[jwdecour]

I have been tested a couple of times for the same reason. It is no big deal. They just take some blood and you find out in a few days what the results were. It is probably a good idea for everyone to do from time to time... Good luck with everything...